So I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago, after a over a year of conventional dialog therapy with a psychologist and trying to figure out if I was the asshole or if I was actually dealing with an abusive girlfriend. I'd been wanting to break up for a long time, but never had the cajones to actually do it. When I was actually able to do it I broke down completely, feeling like a total asshole, and a few days afterward tried to get back with her. Whenever she asked me a question that I wanted to answer honestly my body froze up completely, and I started tensing up and fight my brain on actually saying something. I wanted to speak my thoughts and feelings, but my body would not let me at all. After we got off the phone I immediately went and did a trauma clearing audio because I knew the feelings were at a high intensity. When I got into the identifying portion I went back to being three years old and my mom is screaming at me. She won't stop screaming at me. I'm three years old and don't even understand what she's screaming about, or if this is even a real memory, but I'm curled up into a ball terrified out of my three year old mind. In the real world forty year old me is bawling his eyes out on the floor, furious and screaming back at his mom for being so horrible to a defenseless little kid. I hadn't cried that much in probably five years, maybe ten. I had to pause the recording for ten minutes just to process the whole thing because I was blubbering snotty teary mess. I was able to go back in and send it all away in the tornado, and produce a protective force field, and immediately after the recording ended I passed out in exhaustion on my sleeping pad I had setup on the floor for the session. Woke up two hours later and went to bed. The next morning I felt like I had been released from prison. I was happy and excited about the day, and looking forward to collecting my thoughts on my relationship with my girlfriend and going to an extra therapy session to try and refine them before meeting my girlfriend for a talk about if we were going to get back together. Because despite the crap I've dealt with from her, she actually is a very sweet girl who has a huge level of trauma herself that she has never tried to remedy, and the little girl inside is screaming for the love and safety that she never got as a kid.

Is Trauma a form of attachment? Is it a negative association to a memory? I don't know the exact words to use but I thought I'll give it a go.

Does this happen to anyone else? I know it's very common but it's been happening a lately. I've been doing predominantly Gestalt audio and I keep falling asleep right towards the end.