I found the concept of freedom to be really helpful, as in I don't need to do anything because of someone else's expectations or someone else's approval or opinion. Also I guess that extends to I don't have to be friends with someone just because they're a human. So I found that to be helpful. Also there was a seminar a few weeks ago about giving kids choices coupled with self-control that I found very useful even for leading myself. For instance I might say to myself that I want to have a clean kitchen but I'm tired right now and do I want to clean it now or do I want to clean it later. Previously I would just always clean it now, so I found that to be helpful as well and of course it works really well with the kids.

So I've been working on this but I'm having some trouble with my statements and I thought someone might give me some advice. Today I came home and the living room was covered with dirty dishes. We're talking about a 10-year-old and two teens and I can't for sure identify any of the dishes. There's a good chance that all of them were left by my 10-year-old and my teams have just been walking around them all day. But there's flies and it's disgusting. They're way too old for me to say I'll give everybody a cookie who carries their plate to the kitchen. What can I do here that isn't manipulative or upset? I'm in the Dilemma almost every day where my kids are supposed to have done something and I haven't. As a result I feel like I'm a house elf. A baggy whiny tired overwhelmed house elf, who now needs to go do the dishes because the teenage son waited until now to empty the dishwasher. 🙁

It was supposed to say naggy but baggy will do 😂

Well I really wasn't prepared for that. Just like Rebekah wrote above, I was ready to talk about kids having choices but not to talk about how little freedom I have. I would be surprised if anything less than 100% of my time is not a choice made in freedom. I totally recognize and relate to absolutely everything in this module . Considering that I'm on my way to melt down most days, that might be really telling. Something to add though is that since my kids are bigger has teenagers I think they may have taken their freedom during the time that my husband was sick. It has been super hard for me to regain any semblance of leadership in our family. Goodness it was really good to realize this and hopefully now I can start working on finding my own freedom. Thanks guys

Hi excellent workshop, couldn't see the chat but it was ok anyway. Got a lot of work to do to go from 10 to 1 - most of my issues are about what I want other people (kids) to do. I put one example in the chat of getting to church on Sunday with the teens and giving them an option of morning or evening. But I know they will just protest they don't want to go. It's the same for family time, which they don't want to plan, or pretty much anything I want/need. The answer is just no. I guess it's just that I'm not in authority since they're 16 and 18 - I don't have the same problem at all with my 10 year old. I'm at a 10 now because I believe my wish will be ignored, nothing will happen. What can I do?

@Katie Johnson they usually don't go and I'm concerned they will lose a chance for connection and a spiritual life if they consistently don't take responsibility for their own spiritual growth.

Oh gosh this is a hard one straight off the bat because I live in a house where honesty hasn't been easy. I started by admitting that I hover over my teens and control and say a lot about how everyone else does things. I suppose you could say I take responsibility for things that shouldn't be mine because they are kids. I am really hard on myself, judgemental and down on myself. I really believe that honesty is the door to healing, but I've been kind of Faking it till you make it since my husband got sick or even a couple years before that. I've also had to admit that I just don't get Grace. I'm harder on myself than I am on anyone else I think and I'm very hard on other family members. I have so far that I want to go when it comes to truth but I'm terrified because I started and failed several times to open up in our family. And to be truthful myself is just so vulnerable that I get stuck Faking It Again. So I think this is going to be great but it's going to take a while. I really related to the example of a teenager who is critical and grumpy but who can't explain what's going on. I feel like I live in that reality right now. I've been trying to call out my oldest for a long time but he is very resistant, which maybe tells me something else about how I accept other people's truth. Maybe we can talk about that?