The lotus flower is a dreamer that pushes through decomposed muck and mud, through the pressures of waters and reaches up, emerging into the sunlight and fresh air against all the odds and only because of the perfect pressures and conditions that created it's glory. Thich Nhat Hanh said, "no mud, no lotus." I am holding onto this wisdom while I stand in the middle of piles of boxes, packing up 10 years of life in our beloved condo complex, we moved here when my baby was only 18 months old because it is in the district of the best school in the area and then, a few years later, when his other mom moved in a different direction with her life, and I had no job and no money in the bank, I made a commitment that somehow someway I would keep a place here so that he could finish elementary school here. A near stranger offered me a $5k loan to find housing and we moved across the parking lot to another unit. That first night I was unpacking alone on my 3 year old asleep upstairs, it was around midnight and the stove was making strange sounds and the landlord said to just unplug it, I reached to that plug and the next thing I knew I was on the ground across the kitchen, it had shocked me and alone and afraid and with my heart racing, I called 911. They came and checked me out and while they were doing so, I got two texts from neighbors checking on me, they had seen the ambulance pull up and I knew that this was a sign to show me that I wasn't alone. This community has been our whole world, from the group of parents that play soccer with the kids at the bus stop in the mornings, to waving to friends and stopping to pet dogs on the way to the dumpster, to popping over to ask someone to help watch my kiddo and to always knowing that he could just run outside and have friends at anytime, this place has meant more than words could ever describe. Over the years, as gentrification has set in and rent prices have gone up and up and especially after we thought our landlord was going to sell and I couldn't qualify for a mortgage, I set a goal to work on my finances. I started working with a local development organization and over the course of 6 years I paid off tens of thousands of consumer debt, learned how to budget, got myself the brain injury therapy that I had long needed, and while working as a special educator in the public schools, I took training courses and paid and lost thousands more on numerous business ventures from insurance agent to surplus funds to selling sewing kits on etsy, I've tried it all. During all this I kept working on my finances and last fall I finally qualified for a mortgage and a $50k subsidy for low income buyers and started looking, I told the real estate agent I would only stay in this complex, but after three offers and being beat out by investors who were offering $100k cash over what I had qualified for, I gave up. Then the realtor called and asked if I wanted to look at this 1940s gutted house a mile away. She thought it would be great and I got swept up in the dream. I bought it in November, only to find out by December that it was never legally qualified to be residential, it had been built as a garage, the contractor had barely worked and nothing he had done was to code and the $37k I had paid him had resulted in the house being worth less than what I bought it for. The bank, the community organization, family and friends and several contractors advised me to walk away, to let go of my losses and sell it for what I could. I would have had to pay back the $50k immediately and I would owe the bank who knows what, I had already let go our place, we had nowhere to go and it was a real low. I knew in my heart that this couldn't be the end of the story, so I called every person I could think of and eventually was given an advocate by the development company. I paid a lawyer $5k and started the process of ending the contract with the contractor, got the bank to give me another $100k loan, got a new contractor, found another unit in our complex (I had found an apartment across town and then it fell through one day before our move out date and when I was walking across the complex ran into a neighbor who was moving out and she hadn't found a renter yet and said we could move in the next day, miracles abound!) but the new unit was $600 more a month, so since January, I've been paying rent, mortgage, legal fees, extra home insurance and double all the utilities, oh and I had taken a leave from the school job in June to start my own nervous system education coaching business, so this all happened in the first year of starting my business. Meanwhile, my baby is now 12 and graduated from elementary school a few weeks ago, I did it! I kept us here so that he could have a steady home and elementary school experience and well, it looks like the house will be done in a few weeks and since we have to be out next week from this unit, I'm packing up our stuff and putting it in storage and we are going on a big trip to celebrate and then when we return we will hopefully be moving into the new and completed house! We will still be close to this complex (only one mile away), but it will never be the same as being here, a chapter has ended. I am holding all my grief and all the joy together in one big hug. Life is a wild, messy ride but I sure am grateful! This whole thing has taught me never to take just a moment in time and let it define anything. The whole picture is all that matters and we will never be able to know how this moment is going to weave into the glorious whole of our life. Where you've been and where you are now doesn't define or determine where you can go. This month I made $11k running my own business amidst all this drama and while it has been scary and overwhelming at times it has also taught me that I am incredibly capable, that there is no storm too big, that life can throw anything at me and I will sail on, that money can come and go and people can cheat and steal and do any amount of crazy and you can still find love and joy and connection and meaning in any and all circumstances. And then in the middle of all this, along came Skool and here I am enjoying all of you and a whole new world of possibilities, seeing a #1 next to MY name. If you are on Skool, it is probably because, like me and like the lotus, you are a DREAMER and dreamers often have high highs and low lows.We are endless possibilities and no matter where you are or what life looks like or where you've been, if you need a reminder that this is not the end of the story, you just message me and I'll remind you of all the amazing possibilities there are in YOU and how out of the deepest sludgiest muck can arise the most grand and glorious lotus flowers! xo, z

I was checking to see how many days away I am from the emoji (so close!) and I just noticed that I hit 500 contributions to the community as of today (this post made 501). I know it's not that big of a number, but for me, skool has been such a safe space to be my authentic self and the fact that I feel truly happy when I am here makes sharing my gifts that much easier. I have a lot to offer the world and 500 is just the beginning. Thank you Skool Community for being a place that makes me feel more like me.

We are moving and I am packing and have reached that point where I just want to throw everything away and say forget it! 🤣 I need some tunes to pump me up, anyone have a suggestion?

This is a powerful question in a society where everything is pressurized towards "monetization." And yet, many of us spend loads of time on things that we are not paid for, even on things we pay for! For me it's: - this Skool community (I didn't get involved until I started paying) - making YouTube videos (I'm not monetized but I make videos like it's my job 🤣) - endlessly consuming "personal development/spiritual" material (podcasts, books, videos) I used to criticize myself for these "wastes" of time, but now I see that they hold the magic recipe for me, the recipe for creating a life that is full of energy and curiosity and enthusiasm, that I would do even if I wasn't paid and instead of putting pressure on myself to be paid for it, I can let it flow into every nook and cranny to energize the thing I am being paid without requiring myself to be paid for it (even though this will end up becoming what I'm paid for, it is just like gravity, it can't not happen, it happened to me over the past few years and now I am paid to think/talk/connect about the very topics I most love thinking/talking about without trying at all to make that happen). @Sam Ovens has a beautiful video about this, do the exercise, it is well worth it! Doing what you love in all the nooks and crannies brings so much joy and connection! Think of the star trek and anime enthusiasts who dress up in their free time and connect with others endlessly on reddit, or the bird watchers who find such a thrill each time they find a special bird, or the bakers who carefully plan for their next big baking project or the quilters who create endless beauty just for the joy of it, these things bring meaning and purpose and identity and provide endless hours of joy both when you are doing them and as you are doing other stuff because you can dream about them! What is one thing you spend time on that you are not paid for and how can you give yourself permission to enjoy more of it? xo, z

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