Sep 8 in General discussion
Re: Introduce Yourself
I grew up in a household without my father, he has been in prison since I was just a year old. My grandparents took on the role of taking me to church, from a very young age. Around 5, I accepted Christ as my Savior and was baptized. At that time, I didn’t fully grasp what it meant to be saved or the deeper implications of sin, sanctification, etc; Church was a regular part of my life until around 19+, when my faith grew lukewarm, and I found myself in different crowds and the ‘club scene’.
Between ages 8-10 I began having Pedi maw Seizures & eventually those developed into Grand Mal seizures, which continued to happen on and off throughout growing up. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy and told I’d have to be on medication forever. The last seizure I experienced was in 2019.
In my journey through dating, I have often sought to fill an emotional void stemming from a lack of paternal love during my childhood. Despite my efforts, these pursuits have frequently left me feeling unfulfilled. A significant turning point occurred when the man I was engaged to, with whom I had planned a wedding, called off the engagement just six days before the ceremony. This situation was compounded by the fact that I had discovered I was pregnant at the beginning of our engagement and subsequently experienced a miscarriage a few months later.
It eventually took a sharp turn, and I ended up in an extremely abusive relationship with someone who ‘tricked’ me into using a certain drug. I thought I was taking one thing, and six months later, after full blown addiction it was revealed to me that I had actually been using—methamphetamine. Addicted and dating the same abusive man who just so happened to be the dealer, and in my mind had ‘all control.’ This led me down a dark path, filled with bad habits, toxic environments, and people who were pulling me further from who I really was. This eventually led to incarceration and I found myself sitting in a jail cell, facing multiple felonies because I had trusted someone I barely knew, along with their belongings, to be in my (possession) car. To this day, I’m still fighting that legal battle, but that moment was a pivotal point in my life.
As low as I felt at that time, I’m actually thankful for the experience because, in that jail cell, detoxing and stripped of all control, I truly met Jesus for the first time. It wasn’t just a casual acceptance of faith; it was a life-altering surrender. Since then, I’ve started to rebuild my life and relationship with Christ. I’ve enrolled in college for the first time and am currently pursuing a degree in psychology with a minor in addiction and recovery at Liberty University, a Christian institution. My journey has been hard at times, but it has been one of redemption and growth.
**Spiritual Encounters:
During my time of active addiction, I had two profound spiritual encounters that shook me to my core. These experiences revealed to me the reality of the spiritual world and the presence of demons. The first encounter happened during a heavy LSD trip. I had experimented with various substances, starting with marijuana and later with LSD and mushrooms, which I believed “opened my mind” to a false sense of spirituality. I had tripped on LSD more than 200 times and never had a ‘bad trip’.
This next experience was the closest thing: Alone in my basement apartment, with my parents upstairs asleep. I felt the room slowly freezing over, to the point where my breath was visible. The walls starting to turn blue/grey from the ice. As I sat there, I truly believed it was the end. My tears were freezing as they were falling down my face. I began think about my life and ultimately feel a sense of thankfulness. The Ice now nearing the top of my head about to freeze completely over, I thought “thank you God” and the more I repeated it in my mind, the more I felt warmth returning, as if the ice was breaking off me. The thoughts became vocal and I found myself shouting, then screaming praise in that basement at the top of my lungs. Once I’m free from the icicles, I walked over to the basement door, slung it open and ended up outside on my knees, SHOUTING to the neighborhood, "Thank you, God!" as I visualized my screaming breaking all the ice off the earth. In my minds eye at this time, I’m seeing my grandfather (note: he was a Mason and Masonic Lodge Grandmaster, later renounced & rededicated his life to Christ and re-baptized before eventually getting cancer and passing away) as im seeing him in my mind, I myself was being thrown down the gates of hell and back to earth, as If he had saved our bloodline/family by getting out.
Next thing I remember was my stepdad pulling on my shirt as im on my knees, when I looked back at him to me he was a version of satan or a demon and at this point I still couldn’t decipher what was real and what wasn’t… It wasn’t until I heard my mother’s voice that I realized none of it had been real. It wasn’t the end of the world, we were all still alive… and I forgot I’d taken LSD and what I’d just experienced wasn’t in fact my reality…. But in my mind, I had gone through a deep spiritual battle and peek into the other side.
At the time, I did not recognize that what I was experiencing on this “other side” was demonic rather than divine. This misunderstanding brings me to my second experience…
**The second encounter took place after my release from jail, during the final LSD trip I experienced. I was with my boyfriend, lying on the bed as the effects of the drug began to intensify. Suddenly, I found us holding hands, with our palms seemingly nailed together, and I was overwhelmed by a cinematic replay of my life. In the final moment of this vision, I saw my girlfriend saying, "We got this!" before THE book slammed shut. Some time later, I regained my senses and noticed that my boyfriend was no longer in the bed. When I went into the living room, I found him pacing nervously with his dog. At first, it was difficult for me to recognize him because he did not look like I remembered; instead, he appeared as a slim, slinky, slithering snake-esk version of himself. It took me a moment, but I eventually realized that this was indeed Satan in the flesh. But he’s there taunting me and claiming that he had been deceiving me since the first LSD trip. Explaining there's always soo much truth in a lie to get you hooked. He explained that our relationship had been a long deception rather than a divine connection.
As he spoke, the living room floor appeared to open up, revealing a dark, rocky stairwell leading down to the pit of hell, filled with smoke, screams, and a horrifying stench. He then informed me that I had not made it into "the book" and was condemned to hell. In a state of disbelief, I stood there for about two hours, while what I initially believed to be my boyfriend—now seemingly the devil—taunted me about my fate and the torment awaiting me. At least, that’s what I thought he was saying. I remained frozen in fear, convinced that my soul was condemned.
Eventually, I found the strength to speak and asked frantically, "Why?" Repeating my confusion, I desperately sought an explanation in an attempt to delay my judgment. I refused to accept my fate until I received a reason. He then pointed to my charm bracelet—a gold bracelet adorned with a charm of the all-seeing eye, a remnant of my dabbling in New Age spirituality. I immediately understood the implication and felt a profound sense of conviction. I realized that I had been pursuing false spiritual experiences for years. Overcome with remorse, I begged for forgiveness, repeatedly expressing my unworthiness of redemption and reflecting on Christ's sacrifice on the cross for my sins. The next thing I remember seeing was a magnificent "Tree of Life" floating in the living room. This was no ordinary tree; every branch, leaf, and curvature was intricately composed of the names of our ancestors, tracing back to Adam and Eve. It seemed to illustrate my connection to a vast and profound spiritual legacy, highlighting the continuity and depth of my heritage.
These experiences, though terrifying, were also transformative. They revealed the dangers of spiritual deception and the reality of demonic influence in a way I had never considered before. Looking back, I now understand that what I thought was enlightenment through substances like LSD was a counterfeit version of true spirituality, leading me down a path of destruction. But through it all, God’s grace reached me, even in my darkest moments.
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Re: Introduce Yourself
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