You're no special than anyone but you can be...

Jun 28 (edited) in Self Improvement & Motivation

In this personal development and success, you focus on external challenges and obstacles. But one of the biggest enemies you face is internal: your own ego. Ryan Holiday, who became the director of marketing for American Apparel at 21 and a best-selling author of 4 books by 29, writes about this in his book “Ego Is the Enemy.”

But what is ego and why is it the enemy of long-term success? Ryan defines ego as “an unhealthy belief in our own importance.” It’s the force that takes your natural self-image and turns it into an obsession. Ego turns confidence into arrogance and self-awareness into self-absorption. As Hall of Fame basketball coach Pat Riley put it, “It’s the disease of me.”

Ego is so powerful it can sabotage your long-term goals and distract you from mastering your craft. Ryan has gone so far as to tattoo “Ego Is the Enemy” on his arm as a constant reminder. Let’s get into how ego shows up at different stages of your journey and why you need to keep it in check.

The Three Phases Where Ego Manifests

Aspiration
Success
Failure

When you aspire to do something great your ego can be your worst enemy. It shows up in several ways:

Seeking constant approval: Ego makes you worry too much about what others think of you. You will find yourself constantly asking, “What are people thinking about me?”
Talking instead of doing: Ego likes to talk about what you’re going to do instead of actually doing it. It loves the attention and admiration you get for your plans even if they never come to fruition.
Fear of silence and real work: The thought of going silent and focusing on the work that will make you proud can be terrifying for your ego.

To illustrate this Ryan shares the story of author Emily Gould and her ego while writing her book. Instead of writing, she constantly updated her social media and blog. She says, “I tumbled, I tweeted, and I scrolled. This didn’t earn me any money but it felt like work.” For an entire year she made little to no progress on her book as her ego kept her focused on her online presence instead of creating something real.

This is a big lesson: real work happens in silence, behind the scenes. But your ego wants instant gratification and recognition and will prevent you from doing the work to get there.

<Ego’s Impact on Success: The Overconfidence Trap>

Now you’ve managed to keep your ego in check long enough to achieve some success. Good for you! But watch out, because this is when ego becomes even more dangerous. Here’s how ego shows up when we’re successful:

Complacency: Success makes you feel like you’ve “made it,” so you will stop putting in the effort and dedication that got you there in the first place.
Entitlement: You start to feel like you deserve success in everything you do, no matter how unprepared you are or how tough the competition is.
Overreaching: Ego convinces you that you’re invincible so you take on more than you can handle or venture into areas where you have no expertise.

Success makes you complacent, entitled, and overconfident. You start to think you're invincible, that every idea you have is gold. Holiday puts it perfectly: “Ego is the enemy of success because it makes you complacent, because it makes you entitled, because it makes you overreach.”

Ryan uses the story of Howard Hughes to illustrate this. At 18, Hughes made a bold and successful move to buy out his relatives and own 100% of his family’s oil drill bit company, the Hughes Tool Company. This move turned a $1 million business into a billion-dollar company.

But this early success went to his head and he thought he could succeed in any business. He went into aviation, film, and stock trading. He had some initial successes but lost most of his fortune over his lifetime.

Towards the end of his life, a biographer described him as a broken man, sitting in his favorite white chair, unwashed and unshaven, working 24/7 to fend off lawyers, investigations, and investors to save his crumbling empire and hide his dirty secrets.

This is a brutal image of what happens when ego, fueled by early success, goes unchecked. It’s a reminder to stay grounded and focused even (or especially) when we succeed.

<Ego’s Role in Failure: The Blame Game>

Now here’s where ego really gets to cut deep. When you face setbacks or failure your ego jumps in to “save” you – by dodging responsibility and making excuses.

Holiday tells the story of Dov Charney, founder of American Apparel. After massive losses and scandals, Charney was offered a chance to step aside as CEO and be a creative consultant for the company. Instead of swallowing his pride and helping the company he built, his ego made him sue the company and bring it to bankruptcy. He ended up broke and sleeping on a friend’s couch because his ego couldn’t take the hit.

<Ego>

In all three phases – aspiration, success, and failure – ego gets in the way of you focusing on the work and producing something you can be proud of. As Ryan Holiday says he battles with this every day (hence the tattoo!).

Understanding how ego manifests in these different phases the first step is in combating its negative influence. By recognizing the signs of ego at work, you can start to develop strategies to keep it in check and maintain your focus on what truly matters: the work itself.

So, what can you do about it? How do you keep your egos in check and stay focused on what really matters? Now let’s get into practical strategies for beating ego and achieving sustainable success.

When I first started studying for Science Bowl I did a pretty good job of seeing myself as a beginner because I was 100% a beginner. I was doing whatever it took to get better, working with people, watching YouTube videos, and reading books on that subject. Even now with 98% accuracy and solving problems in 4-12 sec, I still remind myself to be more of a beginner.

Instead of worrying about your status or reputation, focus on your craft. As Ryan Holiday says, “The pretense of knowledge is our most dangerous vice because it prevents us from getting any better.”

Stay humble and don’t get complacent: Success makes you feel like you’ve “made it” so you stop putting in the work that got you there. Every time I watch people who can solve problems faster than me and as accurate as mine I try to think, “Okay, this is cool, how can I be a beginner here? How can I learn from these people?”

Take responsibility and learn from mistakes: When we fail our ego wants to blame others or make excuses. Instead, take ownership of your failures and use them as learning opportunities.

Use setbacks as opportunities for growth: Failure isn’t the end; it’s a chance to reassess and improve. As Ryan Holiday says, “The obstacles in the way are not obstacles, they are the way.”

This is a great way to manage ego and ensure growth:

Plus: Find someone better than you to learn from.
Equal: Find peers at your level to collaborate with and challenge you.
Minus: Find someone you can teach and mentor.

By having these three types of relationships you keep your ego in check and ensure you’re always learning, collaborating, and giving back.

When we’re aspiring to do something great ego often shows up as an obsession with public opinion and a preference for talking rather than doing. To beat this we need to find an “Equal” - an ambitious person or peer group at our current skill level.

An equal challenges your abilities and makes you grow. When you have an equal you have no time to worry about public opinion because doing so would be a waste of time and you’d fall behind.

Actionable Step: If you want to be a great writer surround yourself with other writers. Share your goals, read each other’s work, and push each other to get better. There’s no room for ego to fit in.

When we succeed, ego can lead to complacency, entitlement, and overreach. This is where we need a "Plus" - someone who has done more than us, so our success seems small.

Your plus could be a mentor who has done more than you. Or you could reflect on the vastness of the world around you. This could be going for a drive in the mountains or walking along the beach to feel how small you are.

Actionable Step: Seek out mentors or experiences that remind you of how much more there is to do. This will quiet the ego and stop you from getting caught up in your own story of being great.

When we fail, ego shows up to save face and avoid responsibility. To counter this we need a "Minus" - someone we can teach. Having a minus forces you to look objectively at your failure and gather lessons to pass on.

When you have to teach others you spend less time complaining and more time looking for ways to improve. This shift from self-preservation to helping others is a powerful cure for ego-driven responses to failure.

Remember the story of John Kennedy Toole and his book "A Confederacy of Dunces"? It was rejected by publishers which broke Toole's heart so much he took his own life. After his death, his mother campaigned for the book and it eventually won the Pulitzer Prize.

The moral of the story? The book was just as good when Toole was alive as it was when it won awards. As Ryan Holiday says "Doing the work is enough". That's why we can't let externals decide if something was worth it or not. It's up to us.

We must avoid the trap of external validation. Instead of obsessing over grades or awards, focus on internal metrics of success. Are you proud of what you're creating? Are you getting better every day? Those are the questions that matter.

As Brandon Sanderson says in the Stormlight Archive, it's "journey before destination". The more we focus on the journey and the process, the less we focus on the destination and the more we'll combat ego.

There's a whole industry of self-help around positive visualization and the law of attraction. However, research shows that sharing your ambitions and goals with others can actually stop you from achieving them in some cases.

When we talk about our goals and ambitions, it's as if our brain has decided we've already done those things, and we have less drive to actually achieve them. Instead, try keeping your ambitions internal. Focus on doing the work rather than talking about what you're going to do.

Shift your focus from identity-based goals to action-based goals. Instead of "I want to be the class topper," think "I want to get a high score and understand the concepts." Instead of "I want to be an entrepreneur," think "I'm starting my business."

This shift from being to doing helps combat ego by focusing on the actual work rather than the labels or status we're seeking.

Stoicism, an ancient Greek philosophy, offers powerful tools for managing ego. It emphasizes focusing on what's within our control and accepting what isn't. By adopting stoic principles, we can better manage our reactions to both success and failure.

As Epictetus said, "You can't learn that which you think you already know." This ties directly into our discussion about maintaining a beginner's mindset.

Negative visualization: Instead of always imagining success, try imagining what could go wrong. This helps you prepare for setbacks and appreciate what you have.

Keep a learning mindset: Always be on the lookout for new skills to develop or areas to improve. This keeps you humble and growing.

One of the most effective ways to combat ego is to simply focus on the work itself. As Ryan Holiday advised me when I asked how to make my book a bestseller, "Don't think about the marketing right now, put your head down and actually just do the work."

This approach of focusing on creating quality work before worrying about promotion or recognition can lead to more sustainable success and help keep ego in check.

Recognizing that managing ego is a lifelong process is crucial. It's not something you solve once and forget about. It requires constant self-reflection and adjustment.

As Ryan Holiday puts it, "Ego is the enemy of what you want and of what you have: Of mastering a craft. Of real creative insight. Of working well with others. Of building loyalty and support. Of longevity. Of repeating and retaining your success."

Keeping our egos in check is crucial for long-term success and personal growth. It allows us to learn from others, stay motivated, and handle both success and failure with grace. Remember, the journey is more important than the destination. Focus on the process, value your efforts, and keep learning.

Remember, as Ryan Holiday's tattoo suggests, ego is always the enemy. But with these tools and strategies, we can fight back against its influence and achieve lasting success and fulfillment.

The key is to stay humble, remain focused on the process, and always be willing to learn and improve. By doing so, we can harness our talents and ambitions without falling prey to the destructive influence of unchecked ego.

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I really hope you find them helpful and start using the tips I share. I've dedicated my entire freshman year to researching productivity, life improvement, study techniques, note-taking methods, and more. This involved reading tons of books, scouring the web, talking to people, and watching around 3000 hours of YouTube videos on these topics.

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What's one technique you use to stay focused on your goals?

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