Why are you lying to yourself?

Jun 22 (edited) in Self Improvement & Motivation

Ever wondered why we do what we do? Why do we make certain decisions or behave in certain ways? Kevin Simler and Robin Hanson’s book “The Elephant in the Brain” goes into all that and more, and it’s a wild and uncomfortable ride.

The Big Idea: We’re All Secret Selfish Geniuses

If someone asks me why I write posts like this. My instinctive response would be “Oh, it’s fun, it helps people, and it’s a great way to share the information I know.” Sounds noble right? But deep down there’s a part of me (and all of us) that secretly loves the level up, meeting Rishab, and maybe even winning that $1000 that comes with it. These are the hidden motives, the ones we don’t usually talk about or even acknowledge to ourselves because they don’t look good as your motives for what you are doing.

That’s what “The Elephant in the Brain” is all about – those hidden drivers of our behavior that we pretend not to see, like having an elephant in our brain that we’re ignoring. And here’s the thing: these hidden motives aren’t just small, insignificant factors. They’re massive influencers of our actions and decisions.

The Elephant in the Brain Thesis

The book’s main argument is fourfold:

We’re always being judged by others who want to assess our value as friends, allies or leaders.
Knowing we’re under scrutiny, we try to look good by highlighting our noble motives and downplaying the not so noble ones.
This self deception isn’t just about fooling others – we often hide these motives from ourselves too.
These hidden motives, when shared by many, shape our societal institutions like medicine, politics and religion.

Why We’re All Undercover Agents (Even to Ourselves)

But why do we do this elaborate dance of self deception? Simler and Hanson argue it’s because we’re social creatures. We’ve developed these traits because they help us navigate the complex social world we live in.

To illustrate this the authors use a great analogy: the parable of the redwoods. Imagine a forest of incredibly tall redwood trees. It seems inefficient for them to grow so tall just to catch sunlight, right? But they’re in an evolutionary arms race. If one tree grows taller the others must follow or they’ll be left in the shade.

We do the same. We’re always trying to outmaneuver each other.

The Hidden Motives Behind Everyday Life

The Press Secretary in Our Brains: A Deep Dive into Self-Deception

One of the most fascinating ideas in the book is the concept of our brain’s “press secretary.” Just as a president’s press secretary spins the president’s actions in the best possible light, our brain has a module that rationalizes our behaviors in ways we’re not even aware of.

This is beautifully illustrated by the split-brain patients of the 1960s. Our brain is divided into two hemispheres, each controlling half of our body. In these patients, the connection between the two halves was severed for medical reasons. Researchers found that when one side of the brain was told to do something, the other side would come up with a plausible explanation for it, even though it had no idea why it was being asked to do it.

For example, in one experiment a patient was shown an instruction in their left eye (processed by the right hemisphere) to “get up and leave the room.” When the patient stood up and was asked why, the left hemisphere (responsible for speech) came up with a reason: “I got up to get a Coke.”

This shows how our brains can come up with plausible explanations for our actions even when we don’t know the real reasons behind them. It’s a scary reminder of how good we are at self-deception.

The implications of this self-deception are huge. It means we might not know our own motivations most of the time. This unconscious invention of explanations affects our understanding of why we do things, which has big implications for policies and societal norms that often rely on these false narratives.

Charity: It’s Not Just About Helping Others

Charity events. Why do rich people attend fancy galas and publicly pledge big money? Sure, it benefits charities, but it’s also a way to show off their wealth and generosity. It’s a subtle flex, if you will.

Oddly, setting up a monthly donation to a super effective charity might save more lives, but it doesn’t give the same emotional high as giving a few bucks to a street fundraiser. Why? Because we’re wired to want to look good to others and being visibly moved by someone’s plight means we’re caring and emotionally responsive.

As the authors say: “Think about it: which kind of people are likely to make better friends, co-workers and spouses? The calculators who manage their generosity with a spreadsheet or the emotos who simply can’t help themselves and help people right in front of them?”

Religion: It’s Not Just About Belief

Here’s a brain twister: What if people don’t gather because they share common beliefs, but instead create common beliefs as a reason to gather? The authors say the social part of religion is more important than the beliefs themselves.

They say “we don’t believe because we worship; we worship and believe because it helps us as social creatures.” This changes everything about the role of religion in society and our personal lives.

Politics: It’s Not Just About Issues

Ever wondered why people vote the way they do? Often it’s not about carefully considering each policy. We vote for “our side” without even knowing what the candidates are about. It’s more about loyalty to our tribe than informed decision making about governance.

This tribal behavior in politics explains why we see people defending their party’s actions even when those actions go against the party’s values. It’s not about the issues – it’s about belonging.

Body Language: The Silent Speaker

Body language. We communicate a lot without even realising it through our posture, gestures and facial expressions – status and emotions. This non verbal communication reveals our true feelings or intentions even when we try to hide them.

Laughter: Not Just Funny

Laughter is not always about humor. It’s often a social signal to indicate playfulness and safety in interactions. A way to bond with others and smooth over awkward social moments.

Education: Signaling More Than Learning

We think of school as primarily about learning but it also serves a signaling function. By attending and performing well in school we signal our intelligence, conscientiousness and ability to fit in. These signals can be just as important for future success as the learning itself.

Medicine: Care Not Cure

Even medicine which we associate with getting well often functions as a signal of care and loyalty between people. Visiting a doctor or caring for a sick family member is as much about showing concern and commitment as it is about getting treatment.

Social Institutions

This has big implications for how we design and reform social institutions. If we base policies on the reasons people give for their behavior and those reasons don’t reflect the underlying motives then we will fail.

For example, education reforms that only focus on test scores might miss the signaling function of education. Healthcare policies that only address treatment efficacy might miss the social and emotional aspects of medical care that people value.

To create real change we need to design systems that address the underlying motives while appearing to address the surface-level reasons. That’s hard but it’s necessary.

So, What Can We Do With This Knowledge?

Understanding the concept of the elephant in the brain isn’t about pointing fingers at others and labeling them as selfish. Instead, it’s an invitation to introspection and greater self-awareness. Here are some ways we can use this knowledge:

Be Self-Aware: The next time you feel righteous indignation about someone else’s behavior, take a step back. Ask yourself if you might be guilty of similar actions, even if you’ve rationalized them differently.
Make Better Decisions: By acknowledging our hidden motives, we can make more informed decisions. Are you really taking that job because it aligns with your values, or is it because of the status it confers?
Be More Empathetic: When we know everyone has hidden motives we can be more understanding and less judgmental of others.
Design Better Systems: On a societal level, recognizing these hidden motives can help us create institutions and policies that account for the complexities of human behavior.

Wrapping Up

Reading “The Elephant in the Brain” is like putting on a pair of glasses that suddenly brings the world into sharper focus. It provides a new lens through which to view human behavior – both our own and others’.

While some of the book’s insights might seem cynical at first but ultimately it’s a more honest and kinder view of human nature. By acknowledging our hidden motives we can be more authentic in what we do and more understanding of others.

Remember, we don’t want to get rid of our “elephants” – they’re part of who we are. It’s about recognizing they’re there and how they influence our behavior. This awareness can lead to personal growth, better relationships, and potentially more effective institutions that actually serve people’s needs.

So next time you do something, take a moment to ask: What’s my elephant up to now? And more importantly, how can we use this knowledge to create a better world for everyone?

I’m sharing the key insights from various books and connecting it to our world and showing what the book actual means and what can you do to gain and use it.

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