Stop Planning Your Life and Start Living It - "The Pathless Path"

Ever feel like everyone’s got their life all figured out except you? They’re on this “default path” to success – good grades, prestigious college, stable career, happy life. Meanwhile, you’re like, “Wait, this is it? Is there more to life than this pre-determined track?”

“The Pathless Path” by Paul Millerd is all about questioning the traditional ideas of success and exploring those untraditional, often scary, “pathless” paths that can lead to a more meaningful life.

Paul tells this great story about two friends, John and Jane, that really sums up the book. John followed the default path – aced school, got a high paying job and everyone thought he was a success. But he was miserable! He realized that chasing money and status doesn’t equal happiness.

Jane, on the other hand, chose uncertainty. She tried different things, started a social enterprise and traveled the world. Yeah, she didn’t always have tons of money but she felt fulfilled and was actually making a difference.

The book made me realize that this “fear of uncertainty” is something we all struggle with, especially in high school. We’re told to get good grades so we can get into a good college and get a good job. It’s all about planning for a certain future.

But what if the most meaningful path for you isn’t the one that’s already laid out? What if it’s something nobody’s even thought of yet?

The Default Path vs The Pathless Path

Millerd introduces two main ideas: the Default Path and the Pathless Path.

The Default Path

We all know the default path right, it’s like the roadmap our parents, teachers and even society gives us. It usually goes something like:

Get good grades
Go to a prestigious college
Get a stable, high paying job
Climb that corporate ladder, buy a house, start a family - bam you’ve “made it”!
Eventually retire

Now, I’m not knocking the default path—it works for tons of people and if that’s what genuinely excites you then go for it. But after reading this book I started to realize the downsides of following the default path on autopilot. It can turn into this “certainty trap” where we choose a path that’s secure even if it’s not necessarily fulfilling just because we’re scared of uncertainty!

On paper it looks great: job security, social status and a steady paycheck. But many people on this path end up feeling empty and unsatisfied even if they’re “successful” by society’s standards.

I think this “certainty trap” really hit home for me because of the pressure to be certain about the future—knowing what we want to study, what college to get into. It’s so hard to admit we don’t really have it all figured out, especially in such an ambitious environment. I realized there’s nothing wrong with uncertainty; it’s actually how we learn and grow! I actually like that it makes you less boring.

The Pathless Path

And then there’s “The Prestige Trap”. I love how Paul defines it, it’s a really strong “magnet” that draws us towards careers and jobs because they look good to others. How many times do you find yourself wanting to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer (see the engineering courses are full!), because those jobs get you more respect?

What really matters in choosing a career (or even in high school):

The work itself. Do you enjoy what you’re doing? Like really enjoy the process, even the hard parts, not just the idea of “being a lawyer” or “being an entrepreneur”.
Your personal values. Does your career path align with the things you deeply care about? Even right now in high school are you in a club that resonates with you? Are you choosing extracurriculars because your mom thinks they look good on a college app, or because you’re actually passionate about them?
Growth mindset. Are you continually learning and developing new skills, whether in school or outside?

Finding Your "LKIGAI", What REALLY Makes Life Worth Living?

This brings us to one of my favorite ideas, the concept of Ikigai from Japanese philosophy, basically translated as "the reason for being".

Here's how it works: there are four overlapping circles, and the sweet spot of Ikigai is where those circles meet. These are the circles:

What you Love
What you are good at
What the world needs
What you can be paid for

It’s so easy to get stuck in that fourth circle, chasing a career just for the money even if it’s the same as those corporate job guys. And yeah, we need money, duh. But Paul argues, we should chase our passions, use our strengths to solve real problems that actually impact the world – that’s where fulfillment comes from. Then the money just becomes a bonus, a kind of “byproduct” if you can put it that way, just as the author says in his book!

You can make lots of money working a job you kinda hate but life’s too short for that right? If we don’t find joy and fulfillment in what we do each day, it can lead to long-term regret and even “suffering”. (you could ask some engineering kids at college now to understand more!). Think of all the incredible talents and passions within us; maybe the time and energy you’re devoting to a field that doesn’t resonate could be channeled towards the pursuit of something that truly makes you “come alive!”

Think of the friends we admire – those who seem to effortlessly excel at whatever they put their minds to. They’ve likely found their “flow” state - this feeling of complete absorption in an activity that makes you forget about time and everything else going on. For example, if you love writing, flow might be found when writing that creative essay; if you’re an athlete, flow happens when practicing your skills and making progress.

How many of us are held captive by our “Ought to self”—that little voice in our head saying “I should” and making decisions based on obligation and societal expectations? Maybe it’s telling you, "You should stick with medicine, everyone thinks that's impressive. Or that "I ought to study computer science because there are so many opportunities there." or that "I have to study business because I can earn so much money working in finance”

It’s scary to ignore that voice, to let go of the security and prestige even though they might feel empty in the long run. It’s all about questioning the narrative we’ve been handed and designing a life on our own terms!

What if we spend those weekends and holidays embracing our true passions, connecting with like-minded people, building that “network of luck,” and even pursuing those alternative paths we might be too afraid to consider? What would life be like if we focused on coming alive rather than getting ahead?

Tools for Braving the Pathless Path

Here’s how to escape those mental traps and step onto your own pathless path and don’t ever forget this :

Embrace the Unknown: “Uncertainty and discomfort are not problems to be solved, but an inherent part of any journey of growth and fulfillment”. That’s probably the coolest idea I got from this book, that uncertainty isn’t something to avoid, it’s actually the place where we learn and create the most exciting things. When you look back on high school, what will be more memorable: getting that perfect score, or taking a chance and pursuing a passion that felt completely different, like trying a stand up act, even if your grades dropped? That uncertainty is where the coolest stuff happens!

2. Focus on The Work, Not Just the Outcome: “Treat work like a craft to be mastered and express your passions through what you do”. If it’s just a way to earn money or status then it’s a losing game in the long run. Are you actually learning in class just for that grade, or are you engaged with the ideas and genuinely enjoying the challenge? It’s like that Japanese philosophy of “Kaizen” - finding joy in continuous improvement, whether you’re studying or creating something new, making it easier and less boring!

3. Take Breaks. It can clear your mind and even ignite curiosity: It could be as simple as going for a 20-minute walk without your phone after finishing a set of difficult math problems, going for a run when your college apps feel overwhelming, or even planning for a gap year after high school! Those breaks can create space for new ideas to flow (ask your parents, they can understand more now!). I found my current business idea and many project during a gap year!

4. Don’t be Afraid to Try Different Things! : Experiment in life. Go against your own self. Maybe you think “I should be a doctor”, but have you ever thought what would it feel like to spend a summer volunteering at a hospital and actually see it in action rather than just thinking about it? or you may think of helping some engineering student by taking notes so you will get the idea? You might be surprised. These real world experiences give you way more information than daydreaming about a career or college, like being in motion instead of taking action.

1. Question the "Should" Voice

We hear voices telling us what we “should” do. “You should study this”, “You should aim for that career”. Millerd encourages us to question these “shoulds”. Are they aligned with what we truly want or are they just expectations we’ve internalized?

For example, if you’re passionate about art but feel pressured to study engineering because it’s “more practical”, that’s a “should” worth examining.

2. The Certainty Trap

Many of us (including our parents) value certainty and security. We might choose a “safe” career path even if it doesn’t excite us. Millerd calls this the “certainty trap”.

While security is important especially if you have family responsibilities, it’s worth considering whether you’re sacrificing too much happiness for the sake of certainty.

3. The Prestige Trap

Be careful not to choose a path just because it’s impressive to others. I’ve seen friends choose majors or universities mainly because they sound prestigious. Millerd warns that this can distort our beliefs about what we actually enjoy.

Ask yourself: If no one else knew or cared about your career choice, what would you want to do?

4. Find Meaningful Work

Instead of viewing work as just a means to an end (like making money), try to find work that’s fulfilling in itself. Think about what kind of projects or activities make you lose track of time because you’re so engrossed in them. That might point you towards meaningful work.

5. Experiments in Living

Millerd encourages us to try out different ways of living. This could mean:

Taking a gap year before college
Trying out different internships or part-time jobs
Volunteering in different fields
Starting a small business or side project

These experiments can help you figure out what truly resonates with you.

6. The Underemployment Edge

This idea suggests that having some free time in your schedule can lead to more creativity and better work. For us students, this might mean not overloading on extracurriculars or advanced classes if it leaves us no time to think and explore.

Instead of stressing about having your whole life planned out, approach your future with curiosity. Be open to new experiences and ideas. Ask yourself “I wonder what it would be like to…” and then go find out!

That last one is especially important for us as high schoolers. Most of us haven't even started to explore those things because we’re so caught up in getting that "A+” and keeping our “options open.” This book really encouraged me to just chill out, be more curious and open to new ideas even when everyone is rushing to apply early to Stanford. It’s my life after all. (and the deadline is not now)

If there's ONE thing to remember from all this, it's that life doesn't always have to follow a fixed trajectory (who decided it anyway? It's like society, or people of the past... or a dude that lived hundreds of year ago...). By focusing on meaningful work, challenging the should voice in our head, trying different things, embracing uncertainty, and building those “networks of luck,” we can design a more fulfilling and impactful journey on our terms. And yeah, money probably will follow eventually – it worked for Paul after all!

There's no need to wait till you're like, my parents age to start creating this kind of life – we can start exploring our own paths right here, right now in high school!

Remember: curiosity and wonder, not fear, should drive our journeys.

I would love to have this conversation going, please comment if you like what I'm writing now and do it! Do something! Action is the only thing!

Also, I will include the book title in the post's title so that you can identify which book is being reviewed.

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