Stop Misunderstanding Everyone Around You (Part 1)

Jul 25 (edited) in Self Improvement & Motivation

Ever feel like everyone around you just gets everything wrong? Like no matter how hard you try to explain yourself it’s just a never-ending stream of confusion? Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could just read each other’s minds? It would make life so much easier!

Unfortunately, telepathy isn’t an option but “Surrounded by Idiots” by Thomas Erikson is a funny and informative book that goes into the psychology of human behavior and explains why some people are so easy to communicate with and others are like puzzles! This book helped me make sense of people, my friends, family, teachers, and even those classmates who drive me crazy!

The basic idea is we’re all wired differently. Erikson uses this system of colors to represent four main personality types: Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue. Each color has its own set of strengths, weaknesses, and communication styles. The best part is once you start to understand these colors you can decode people’s behavior! You can see their fears, and motivations and even predict how they’ll react in certain situations.

# What You Say vs What People Hear

First off: what we say and what others hear are often two completely different things!

Our messages go through mental filters based on people’s personalities, experiences and even their moods before they reach their brains. And guess what? Those filters can completely distort the message.

It’s so easy to get frustrated and think, “Ugh, they’re such an idiot! Why don’t they get it?” But as Erikson says, “saying other people are idiots is not a great idea.”

Instead of trying to change other people (which, let’s be honest, rarely works!) we need to start with ourselves and ask, “How can I communicate in a way that resonates with them?” It’s like translating a language: if I want to connect with someone who speaks Spanish I gotta learn Spanish, right?

# Decoding the Four Colors

This book divides all human behavior into four groups: Red, Yellow, Green, Blue. These aren’t perfect boxes but the profiles do a really good job of explaining why some people act so differently and why some groups of people get along so well together and others no matter what you do!

## Reds: The Leaders and Doers

Driven, decisive, ambitious, time conscious, result oriented, competitive.

Natural leaders who always step up first, make decisions and get things moving.

Think of that classmate who always takes charge, plans projects and pushes everyone to do more.

They love challenges, make quick decisions and are comfortable taking risks. They thrive in competitive environments and are highly motivated by goals.

Reds hate wasting time and expect others to work as hard as they do. They can be direct, blunt, even bossy at times.

Underneath that tough exterior Reds often have a deep fear of losing control and looking weak. They believe speed and efficiency is the key to success.

They have goals in life that others may not even be able to imagine. Since their goals are so big, achieving them seems impossible. Reds move forward, push themselves harder and almost never give up.

They’re not afraid of conflict and may even seek it out.

Reds always stand out but this isn’t about ego. Sure a Red can have a big ego but " status and prestige don’t have the same importance as with other colors. The reason is simple: A Red usually doesn’t care what others think. He’s not here for their sake - he’s here for his own."

## Weaknesses:

Impatient: Slow drivers, long stories, indecisive group projects – these annoy Reds because they just want to get things done!

Controlling: Because Reds have so much confidence (and may even think they have no weaknesses!) they often want to control every aspect of a project and tell others what to do, which doesn’t make them popular!

While they like honest, even brutal truth, they may not take criticism themselves.

“Reds strive forward. Always pushing themselves harder, and they almost never give up.”

## How to get along with Reds:

Be Direct and to the point: Don’t waste their time with small talk or beating around the bush. They can hear their inner shot glass filling up with every irrelevant word!

Respect their time: They love efficiency! Answer questions directly, be on time for meetings and get stuff done on time.

Show them you’re a hard worker: Reds have huge respect for those who put in the work and may even push you to do more because to a Red, the only way to get through to others is to work hard themselves, they don’t think others function differently.

Don’t be intimidated: Reds can be bossy and even aggressive. But if you have an opinion, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself (in a logical, fact-based way, of course!). They actually respect those who challenge them. "The worst thing you can do once you get into a conflict with a Red is back off. That tactic can cause you serious problems."

Handle anger with calmness: If a Red throws a tantrum (which they will!), don’t shout back. Instead, calmly and firmly say something like, "This isn’t acceptable". It’s like pouring ice on a fire, it might shock them into realizing they’re not always right! (but don’t expect an apology; Reds rarely apologize, they usually don’t think they did anything wrong!)

You might know Reds as friends who captain sports teams, organize school events or lead group projects often those who are outspoken and don’t shy away from a challenge!

# Yellows: The Social Butterflies

## Yellows see themselves as:

Enthusiastic, inspiring, open, convincing, charming, optimistic, creative, easygoing, outgoing, flexible, spontaneous and communicative.

Yellows are the most social colour. They love being around people, making new friends and bringing a spark of joy wherever they go. Think of them as human sunshine always smiling, laughing and full of crazy stories and ideas!

If you need someone to organize a fun school event, kick off a brainstorming session or even brighten up a dull study group, Yellows are your people! They’re also great at making everyone feel included and appreciated, like every party they go to should be a rave and everyone has to be there. They just want everyone to be happy, especially them.

## Yellow Superpowers:

Charming and Persuasive: Yellows are natural communicators who can charm the pants off just about anyone! They can also convince you that those wild, untested ideas (that probably won’t work) are actually genius.

Creative and Optimistic: Need a solution to a problem or a new spin on an old idea? Talk to a Yellow. They don’t let logic get in the way of their big ideas. Remember, for Yellows thought and speech are connected.

## Weaknesses:

Chatty and Distracted: Like those friends who go on and on and on… and you’re wondering, “Dude, did you even hear what I just said?” (They didn’t). Yellows get easily distracted, shiny objects, new ideas, you name it they can’t stay focused on one thing for very long so they aren’t always the most productive team players (but they’ll at least keep you entertained!).

Superficial and Careless: They love to talk big and make big plans, but don’t always follow through because details and deadlines are boring. You’re not really their friend; they just like you. If a better option comes up, goodbye. They can be insensitive and hurtful even if it’s not their intention.

Remember, “The problem with all these balls is that Yellows can keep them in the air for a while, but can’t get them into the right box at the right time.”

Yellows can have short attention spans, don’t always finish what they start and may even tell tall tales. They may spend more time talking about their plans than actually doing the work.

## How to get along with Yellows:

Be Approachable and Enthusiastic: Match their high energy! Show genuine interest in their ideas, compliment their outfit, laugh at their jokes (even the bad ones!) and they’ll be your BFF. “You’re more likely to find a behavior attractive if you get to do one of your favorite things at the same time.”

Help Them Focus and Stay Organized: Give them a to-do list and set deadlines (with reminders!).

Be Patient (Seriously, It’s Crucial): Repeat instructions, rephrase questions and confirm that they’ve understood (they probably haven’t).

But once you get that they’re not trying to annoy you, they’re just wired for enthusiasm and spontaneity you can start to enjoy their fun and creativity.

Part 2 coming up where we’ll look at the calm and reliable Greens and the analytical, detail-oriented Blues.

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