Six Ways to Make People Like You (Part 2)

I’ve already covered why we need to ditch the criticism and start dishing out that sincere appreciation. Now, we’re getting to the good stuff: those specific, actionable techniques that can make people genuinely like you.

These aren't just some random tips or hacks. They're principles backed by psychology, history, and real-life experience (from super-successful people, not just some random dude on YouTube!). These techniques can genuinely transform the way you interact with others, even if you’re naturally shy or introverted.

This stuff is powerful, but it takes practice. It's like learning a new language or mastering a sport – the more you use it, the better you’ll get.

Here are six principles from Dale Carnegie that can instantly transform your social game, and they’re surprisingly simple!

1. Become Genuinely Interested in Others

Remember that feeling you get when someone is truly interested in you? Like they’re hanging onto your every word, asking questions, and remembering your birthday without Instagram’s help. It makes you feel seen and valued, right?

Well, guess what? Everyone feels that way! It's one of the deepest principles of human nature.

We get so caught up in trying to impress others, showcasing our own accomplishments, and worrying about what they think of us. But here’s the mind-blowing truth: people are far more interested in themselves than they are in you.

Dale Carnegie brilliantly sums up this principle: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

Instead of trying to be the star of the show, become the audience. Ask genuine questions about their lives, their interests, their passions. Find out what makes them tick. Maybe it’s their love for a certain band, their dedication to the debate team or their dreams of becoming a surgeon. People are brimming with stories and they’re just waiting for someone to listen.

To become truly likeable, we need to shift our focus from “Me, Me, Me” to “You, You, You!”. Instead of trying to impress people with our own stories and accomplishments, let’s become genuinely curious about their world.

Listen actively, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Remember, authentic interest is like giving a gift from the heart. It’s about giving your time, attention and sincere curiosity, without expecting anything in return.

This principle is pure gold, especially in high school. Imagine walking into class and genuinely asking your classmates about their weekend, their thoughts on the latest assignment, or their plans for the summer. You’d not only learn something new but you’d instantly create a stronger connection.

Imagine this:

At a party, instead of dominating the conversation, you ask thoughtful questions about your classmates' passions, hobbies, or travel plans (and actually listen to their answers!).

During a group project, instead of steamrolling everyone with your ideas, you encourage quieter classmates to share their perspectives and show genuine interest in their contributions.

When you see a friend struggling with something, instead of offering unsolicited advice, you simply listen, empathize and let them feel heard.

Think about your closest friends—the ones you genuinely enjoy spending time with. What makes them so special? I bet it's not just what they talk about; it's how they make you feel when you’re around them. They listen to you, they support you, and they make you feel like you matter.

How to Be Genuinely Interested: A Crash Course

Listen actively. This is more than just hearing words; it’s about engaging your mind and heart. It’s about making eye contact, nodding, asking clarifying questions and mirroring back what you hear to show you’re truly paying attention.

Remember names! This is a HUGE one, and it’s surprisingly easy to screw up. When we forget someone’s name, it sends the message that we don't really care enough to remember them (which is kind of insulting, right?). Try associating their name with a visual image, repeating it in your head, or even writing it down after you meet them.

Notice the small things! Did your friend get a haircut? Did they mention they were struggling with a project last week? Those little details matter! By showing you care enough to remember them, you’re creating a deeper connection.

Show your enthusiasm. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who’s constantly bored or negative. By bringing a positive energy to conversations, you’re signaling that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say (and it’s kind of contagious too, right?).

Give sincere compliments! Not the generic “nice shoes” kind of stuff, okay? Be specific. Maybe it’s their work ethic, their creativity, or how they handle a difficult situation.

Remember that when you’re showing genuine interest, you’re not just trying to win friends; you’re making an investment in building authentic connections (and everyone benefits from that!). It's the foundation for stronger relationships, whether with friends, teachers or even those intimidating seniors you want to impress.

2. Smile!: Your Free Superpower

You know what’s better than any outfit, hairstyle or even those expensive sneakers everyone’s obsessed with? A genuine smile. It's simple, it's free, and it's ridiculously powerful. It sounds almost too easy but Dale Carnegie believed, "Your smile is a messenger of your goodwill. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it."

A genuine smile can:

Instantly make you seem more approachable and trustworthy.

Diffuse tension and awkwardness (imagine if everyone in those stressful meetings smiled more!)

Make others feel happier—it’s contagious!

Boost your own mood by triggering those feel-good chemicals in your brain. It’s like tricking your body into feeling happy!

Think about it: what’s your first impression of someone who’s frowning, scowling, or avoiding eye contact? Probably not someone you’re eager to approach, right? But a person who smiles—they’re sending a signal of warmth, friendliness, and positive energy. It’s an invitation to connect, and it’s irresistible!

A smile is a universal language. When you smile at someone, they instinctively smile back (try it – I dare you!). It creates a positive feedback loop, spreading good vibes and making both of you feel better.

You know what’s even more mind-blowing? Research shows that even forcing yourself to smile can actually make you feel happier. It’s like tricking your brain into thinking, “Hey, things must be good, I’m smiling!” When you smile, your brain releases those feel-good neurochemicals (endorphins, dopamine, serotonin) – like nature’s own confetti cannons, making everything feel brighter and more hopeful! These happiness hormones can also reduce stress, boost your immune system, and even make those tedious classes a little more bearable

So, next time you walk into class, say hi to a classmate, or even just pass someone in the hallway, try it! A smile can be as powerful as any word you speak and a simple smile can create a more positive, welcoming atmosphere!

3. Remember Their Name: The Sweetest Sound

Our names are a fundamental part of our identity. They're not just labels; they’re the sound that separates us from everyone else, the word our parents whispered to us when we were babies, the way we’re introduced to the world.

You know that feeling when you meet someone new, they tell you their name, and five seconds later it’s completely vanished from your brain? We’ve all been there, and it’s super awkward! Especially if you run into them again and have to pretend you remember (and then secretly pray they don’t ask you!).

Dale Carnegie wrote, "A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” It’s a deep truth, and it’s embarrassing how often we forget it. When someone remembers and uses your name, it’s a subtle compliment. It makes you feel seen, recognized and valued.

Forgetting a Name = Insulting Their Identity!

Think about it, how do you feel when someone forgets your name? It’s kind of like they’re saying, “You’re not important enough for me to remember.” It’s insulting, right? Well, that’s how other people feel when we forget their names! Forgetting someone’s name, or worse, mispronouncing it, is a major fail! It's a signal that you weren’t really paying attention, that you don't really care.

By making a conscious effort to remember and use people's names, you’re showing respect and making a huge deposit into that relationship's bank account.

But here’s the thing—memory is a skill, and it takes practice. We don’t just magically remember names; we have to train our brains to do it.

So, next time you meet someone new, try this:

Focus! Really concentrate on their name when they introduce themselves. Repeat it back to them, "It’s nice to meet you, [name]”.

Associate! Connect their name to a visual image in your mind. Maybe it’s a silly rhyme, a funny picture, or something that stands out about their appearance.

Jot it down! If you’re bad with names, write it down in your phone or a notebook after you meet them.

Review! Look over that list of names you’ve collected - you'll be surprised at how quickly this helps you to remember them!

This might sound like a lot of effort, but trust me, it's worth it! Remembering names is a subtle yet powerful way to make people feel important, and they’ll remember you for it!

4. Be a Good Listener – No, Really Listen!

Most people love to talk about themselves. It’s just how we’re wired. But here’s the problem—we’re often so preoccupied with our own thoughts and what we’re going to say next that we don’t really listen to what the other person is saying.

We might hear the words, but we’re not truly engaging. We're missing out on the subtle nuances of their story, their emotions, their deeper meaning. It’s like being in a play but only reading the stage directions – you’re not getting the full experience!

That’s why being a good listener is a superpower. By genuinely listening to someone, by making them feel like they’re the only person in the room, you’re giving them a rare gift: the gift of being heard. It’s like creating a space for them to be the star, and it makes them feel deeply valued and understood.

Dale Carnegie wrote: “If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested.” This is a truth so basic, so obvious, yet so hard to practice!

How to Master the Art of Active Listening:

Engage your whole self! Look at them, nod, smile, or even frown if that's appropriate. Your body language should show that you’re truly present.

Ask follow-up questions. It shows that you’re curious about their story and not just waiting for your turn to talk.

Resist interrupting! Let them complete their thoughts. It’s so tempting to jump in with our own opinions, but by holding back, we’re showing respect and creating space for a richer, more nuanced conversation. (Think about how frustrating it is when someone constantly interrupts you—don't be that person!).

Reflect back on what you hear. It shows that you’re actually processing their words and not just letting them bounce off you.

Try to feel their emotions. This is the heart of true listening—trying to understand not just their words, but also the underlying feelings behind them. It’s about empathy, about stepping into their shoes, and it creates a profound connection.

Remember, being a good listener isn’t about being passive or quiet; it’s an active, engaging process that makes the other person feel like they matter. And when someone feels genuinely heard, they’ll not only appreciate your presence, they’ll be more likely to listen to what you have to say (and that’s what we all want, right?).

5. Talk About Their Passions, Not Yours!

Think about the friends you genuinely enjoy talking to. Are they constantly bragging about themselves, or do they ask you about your passions and listen intently as you share your latest obsession, whether it’s that new sci-fi book you just finished or your plans for a killer music video?

This principle is simple, but it's a game-changer: Instead of trying to impress people with your knowledge and accomplishments, talk about their interests!

It’s like giving them a gift, a gift of recognition and respect. People glow when they talk about things they love – their eyes light up, their energy shifts, and they become animated storytellers. By tapping into their passions, you’re not just having a conversation, you’re unlocking a deeper level of connection.

Ask Questions! This one’s so simple, yet it’s the key to unlocking someone’s passions. If they mention a hobby, a recent trip, or even a favorite book, ask about it! Show genuine curiosity and let them be the expert.

Do Some Research! If you know you’re going to be meeting someone new, take a few minutes to Google them or check out their social media. Find out what they’re passionate about and use that knowledge to spark a conversation!

6. Make the Other Person Feel Important (and Do it Sincerely!)

Remember those golden rules you were taught when you were younger right? “Treat others how you want to be treated." Well, turns out that this is a golden rule not just for making friends, but also for being successful in life, and Dale Carnegie knew this.

Deep down, we all want to be respected and appreciated. It's this basic, sometimes embarrassing, craving for validation that motivates us to work hard, chase achievements and even strive to be the best version of ourselves. This doesn't mean showering people with insincere flattery or bowing down to everyone you meet. It’s about recognizing and acknowledging their value, their unique strengths and their contributions to your world, however small they might seem.

Think about how amazing it feels when someone genuinely notices your efforts—that teacher who praises your hard work on a project, a coach who acknowledges your improvement, or even a friend who simply says, “You matter to me.”

So, how do we make people truly feel important?

Start with active listening. Before you can make anyone feel important, you have to understand them. Pay attention to their words, their emotions and what really matters to them.

Acknowledge their efforts and achievements. Don’t just wait for those big milestones like getting a perfect score or winning a competition. Recognize their everyday wins—how they handled a difficult situation in class, their dedication to a project, or even how they always bring a positive vibe to the group.

Express your gratitude sincerely. Instead of the generic, “thanks,” try: "I really appreciate your help with this, you made it so much easier! You are a lifesaver!" It's specific, it's genuine and it shows you truly value their efforts.

Offer support and encouragement. Maybe it’s a pep talk before an important exam, helping them practice for a presentation, or even just being there to listen when they’re having a tough day.

Celebrate their unique talents! We all have strengths, right? By acknowledging and valuing those unique gifts, you’re not just making a compliment; you’re fostering their confidence and encouraging them to shine (and that’s something we can all use, right?).

We all wear multiple hats—student, friend, athlete, artist, sibling. By making people feel important in these roles, you’re not just being nice, you’re building a foundation of respect, trust, and genuine connection.

Ready to learn how to win people over to your way of thinking (without being a manipulative jerk) and avoid those pointless arguments that nobody actually wins? Stay tuned for Part 3 where I'll share those influence tactics – the ethical way!

11 comments