Falling Between The Cracks.
Hello all, I'm not exactly proud of my scattershot approach to self-improvement, but when people are desperate... well, they sometimes take questionable action. My health is... afflicted. For over 20 years, I have experienced no appreciable recovery from injuries sustained in an automobile accident. It’s been pure misery. My heart, kidneys, vascular system, and brain have all suffered. I deal with memory and hormone impairments, intense joint and back pain, deteriorating vision, recent tooth breakdown despite great care, depression, a dulling of mental acuity, a degree of emotional volatility (prone to weeping), and no sex drive. Migraines are a thing and consistent low-grade pressure headaches are disorienting. The overall pain and collected injuries are debilitating. Nobody has offered real help. To the very last dimwit in a lab coat, each medical professional has essentially said the same thing: take a host of BP meds (which I’ve never responded to), pain pills (which I am not fond of), antidepressants, and calcium. “Oh, and curcumin is supposed to be good...” Whatever. The heart problem was never properly diagnosed, and my kidneys are apparently functioning at 80% and 65% effectiveness, respectively. Mentally, most pathways remain clear, although I did lose my artistic ability—I was a painter and illustrator. No longer—that had faded within months of the crash. The light is still on, the pathways are largely intact, and my reason is sound. But... I suppose it’s simplest to say that there just isn’t much activity. There is almost no motivational impulse. I watch and register, but I don’t reflect. Head trauma from the accident resulted in flattening of the pituitary gland and damage to the hippocampus and hypothalamus. One assumes a causal relationship—who gets routine wellness brain scans, anyway? Much of this I remember only poorly, as I was half a zombie for the first 3 years after. Eventually (many years later), I discovered that numerous symptoms could reasonably be linked to low testosterone caused by traumatic brain injury. When I finally addressed this, I began to feel like a man again. I became settled, calm, confident, less unfocused, and less pained. Motivation began to return. Unfounded fear and unease which had be creeping in diminished.