Aug 13 in Intro
My journey
Dear fellow students ❤️
I felt called to share my journey and where I'm at. My intention with doing so is to change so I can step up and do what I'm called to do. I feel that I should be doing so much more with my life and I'm eager to learn and re-learn.
I first started reading Think and Grow Rich back in 2015 but because of my mental shape at the time I was not able to take it in. I started reading it again a year ago but without a desire reading it felt pointless. I finally discovered my purpose this May through Cliona and her guidance and the book finally makes sense to me even though I still have a lot to learn.
Since writing down my definite chief aim about two months ago I have felt bombarded. I have been experiencing negative thinking, feelings of depression and I have been emotionally unstable (like really unstable at times...). My spark... totally gone. My cup constantly half empty. Since I have been doing the work before I know that no matter the circumstances I can have inner peace (but no peace despite 🙈).
I have been listening to Karla and I realize it all goes back to my thinking. Somehow I forgot the basics. I need to go back to that stick figure.
I'm now dealing with some of the roots. On of them is genuinely feeling that I'm not a good person. I didn't even know this was a thought and a feeling of mine but I now see that I have been carrying this heaviness with me since losing a person close to me on top of severe trauma in my teen years (I'm now 37). How could I create the life of my dreams with this core-belief? Of course it's not possible.
I have been feeling numb for about a month and a half and I begin to realize that it probably has something to do with the fear of losing again. My numbness started with my father having a stroke at this June. It has brought me a lot of sadness and tears since I have not been close to my dad despite caring for him a lot.
Right now I feel so grateful for this community and for the people at NHI. Listening and reading the material is quite comforting.
Somehow I feel like I should start sharing my gift and everything I know. I know I'm not doing enough right now. I need to help someone but how could I being in this hot mess myself? I feel this sorrow because I'm not doing what I was sent to do. I am here to serve, in a big way. I have known this for a long time.
Thank you for reading. I look forward to being with you guys this Saturday. And a little intimidated too.
With love,
Stine
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My journey
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