Fear of getting cheated on and how to deal with it
Hey guys!
Curently being intimate with a beautiful girl and I really like her a lot. The only problem at the time when we startet she had a boyfriend and felt bad bacouse of cheating but still went on with me. On saturday she broke up with him and now she is single but still texts him and is emotionaly attached to him.
She has a history and she is not proud of it that she always did it like that she found one other dude who she fell for and slowly broke up with the other.
So this is probaly going to happen to me if we dont get married etc. I am having a hard coming to terms becouse of my fear of getting played like she played her boyfriend for the last 2 months becouse of it.
Should i just enjoy till it lasts or should i not go with it. I do really like her and I am a bit obssesed. I wrote to my other girls that we were friends with benefits so i get some sex also with other girls so I get some abundace but still the problem is there and would need or really like some words from you more experienced guys. This is the first time i am thinking about a relationship in 10 years. Curently 28 yo.
Thank you guys. Really love everything Michael and the course did for me. 10/10 would recommend.
10
52 comments
• Mar '23 (edited)
Women are never yours, it is just your time to be with them. Sometimes your time lasts a lifetime.
Best way, if you think she is worth YOUR time, is to make sure you are the "bigger, better, deal" for her. Are you maxed out in every area of your life? Don't put her on a pedestal. Make yourself the trophy she has to compete for.
Secondly, abundance is always the answer. Always have more women you can mix into your rotation if things go south. By having more choices and abundance, you won't fall victim to behavior that may be perceived as unattractive to women. Treat them all the same.
Read "Evolution of Desire" by Dr. David Buss, "The Rational Male" (book 1) by Rollo Tomassi, and "The Unplugged Alpha" by Richard Cooper. Those will get your head right and will help prepare you so that you can think and work to avoid any potential trouble down the road.
The answer is always abundance, especially with women.
Treat this woman like you would no different than your guy friends. Every other guy, if she is that attractive, is going to be showing "intent" and trying to get with her. When you treat her like a dude, with no expectation of outcome for a relationship, you have leverage in your corner. Leverage your relationship as a friend to network with her social circle. If she approves of you, then her friends will as will other women (pre-selection).
If you want more from her than just a friendship, then work your "compliance loops" to see if she is into you in that way. SHE is the one who determines if the relationship is more than friends. YOU determine if the relationship after that is more than just a one time thing.
High status males are more rare that attractive females.
#abundanceisalwaystheanswer (Rule #3)
13
• Mar '23
Bro i will read all the books and ty you so much for such a great reply that really helped already as I have at least some guidance to work with. THANK YOU ALOT! YOU ARE AWESOME!
The problem i have the most is and would really love your thoughts on this . If you could be more specific to how do i act with girls like with friends. I know i have to and want bu dont know how. Any tips on that too?
1
• Mar '23
Literally treat them like you treat your guy friends. Think about how you act around your close guy friends... and do that...
When you talk with them, your voice tonality does not inflect upward (approval seeking tonality/qualifying), but stays level or inflects downward. You give them fist-bumps or high-fives when you see them. You say "what's up bro/dude/man?" or however you talk to your guy friends. You ask questions to get them to talk about themselves and downplay talking about yourself. You make jokes, break rapport, and just have a good time like you would any other friend of yours.
You do not qualify yourself to them (talk about yourself, try to make yourself appear important, try to persuade them to be desired to you consciously, etc). You just treat them like you do your regular friends.
You "ignore" that they are a woman and beautiful in a sense. You make those two traits a "common day occurrence" for yourself in that you do not react in a special way toward them.
3
• Mar '23
Also, I would edit your post to remove identifying information about her.
Rule #6: You don’t need to qualify to anyone. No one needs to know who you’re sleeping with or how much money you make.
5
• Mar '23 (edited)
Also, with regards to her behavior:
Men cheat because they have up to 17x more testosterone than females underneath their sex drive and it doesn't mean anything about their relationship with their significant other.
Women cheat to end the relationship.
3
• Mar '23
So she cheated becouse she wanted it to end. But if she goes back to him what does it mean then ? He would hapily take her back he is kind of simping.
1
• Mar '23 (edited)
It could be for a variety of factors, and a lot of them could be unconscious/subconscious to her (emotionally tied).
It could be her "horny" week and she wants physical interaction. He could be a source of resources (money, travel, gifts, etc) that she may want to take advantage of.
He could be a source of stirring intense emotional feelings in her (confusion, anger, lust, comfort, stress, etc). She could be going through an oxytocin withdrawal and wants the stimulation and chemical rush that person provides.
Rule#1: We don't pay attention to people's words, only their actions.
And Rule #2: All human behavior can be explained through evolutionary psychology.
Typically, there are proposed two main mating strategies for females, colloquially called "beta bucks, alpha fucks" or the "dual-mating hypothesis."
Women seek men that demonstrate signs of healthy/high quality genetics (facial symmetry, peak physical fitness, square jawline, etc) during peak ovulation. Think of the stereotypical "Chad" as some like to label it. This is to give the potential offspring the greatest chance at survival by trying to provide the best genetic advantage to that offspring.
These types of partners typically do not make good fathers to help raise the child, so women then seek out partners who have access to abundant resources (money - shelter, food, clothing, child rearing/time, etc) as raising children is a very time and resource expensive task.
It is a common occurrence for women to find a man and be in a relationship with them when they provide the material resources to her (think the nice guy) and emotional intimacy, and then go off and fuck the "Chad" on the side for physical intimacy.
Often though, when a woman seeks another partner, it is because she has lost interest in her current partner as a high-value mate, and thinks she can do better. She perceives herself at a higher sexual market value than that of her current partner, and seeks out a better alternative (more about this in Rollo's book).
Dr. David Buss will get into this in depth in his book (academically), as will Rollo.
2
View 3 more replies
• Mar '23
This is very complicated issue, I can feel you man. A lot of us have been there. I am currently going through a VERY complicated “reframing?/divorce?/reset?” with the woman I met in college and decided to marry without knowing what I was doing. Basic summary is that I had never been the “MAN” in the relationship that biology needed me to be. Since about August I had to cut ties due to poor treatment and make it clear that I get to redefine who I am. I give this background to explain how I was able to get through a recent mindset complication that MIGHT be similar to your scenario. I happened to know she was going to a bachelorette party and wedding in the Las Vegas area. As our relationship/agreement to monogamy was over, I certainly understood the potential implications of what she might do (the sex with another man) and that wrenched my gut and stirred up anger (emotions/chemical reactions). It became clear to me through help from others that not only did I need to re-assert my abundance mentality, but there was a GOOD REASON for my emotions. Emotions exist partially to act as feedback to your brain that SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT. In a broad sense, every relationship you have with someone is a value transaction and usually a male/female relationship is going to involve a woman trading sex for the man’s time/attention/resources. The emotions I felt regarding her “cheating” with another man were founded in that value transaction imbalance. I had spent a ton of time giving my attention and due to distance had not received my value from the transaction. My brain was saying THIS IS NOT FAIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!. Once the opportunity to balance the value transaction came about, it was certainly balanced and my negative emotions were GONE. This is NOT the end-all explanation of your situation. This is only one piece of what MIGHT be part of some background base functions going on in your interaction with this girl. Hope it’s helpful!
3
• Mar '23
I need to work on using paragraphs 😂
1
• Mar '23 (edited)
She sounds like a red flag. But bottom line is: Work on yourself to a level that, if you had to, you would easily be able to replace her.
Marriage will definitely not solve your issue and is coming from a bad place. Your obsession is very unhealthy and likely stems from past trauma e.g. childhood abandonment, which should be brought to awareness through therapy or other forms of self-development or trauma release work.
3
• Apr '23
I'm a little late to this thread. But the minute a girl says she has a "psychological or emotional attachment" on another guy, it's over. You can be the best sex, the best man for her kids, the best provider, etc. Nothing will trump that psychological hold. And even after 6 months, 1 year, whatever, she will always find an excuse to go back and fuck him and rationalize how it's okay to have him as a side piece because of her attachment bullshit. Unfortunately I had to learn this the hard way. Twice.
3
• Apr '23
When I have kids they will learn about psychology. While I don't have a degree in it (lmao) I have real life experience. Just worked a lot of low paying, tough jobs.
I completely agree with you.
1
• Apr '23
I'm going to butcher this quote but I remember somewhere a manipulation technique you don't understand is confusing when you first encounter it but is a life lesson in hindsight. Totally applies with women as well as shady people.
1
• Apr '23
I would honestly stay clear. Past behaviours means future behaviours. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgement. If you had a son or a younger brother and they asked you the same question. What advice would you give to them?
3
• Apr '23 (edited)
Let's be clear on one thing — even if you get married, she probably will still cheat on you if she is a cheater. The cheating habit is VERY hard for women to break in my understanding.
Here's an old PUA-ism that still rings true — "You are only worthy of the hottest girl you are willing to let go."
Couple of potential approaches. I don't necessarily endorse this, but the Kevin Samuels approach is to set boundaries. Make it clear that you don't tolerate cheating ... but
tell her explicitly that if she slips up once and hopes to keep the relationship, she had better take the secret to her grave. No unburdening her conscience by "coming clean" and telling you something you can't unhear. No diseases or outside pregnancies, no public humiliation, mandatory paternity tests if she becomes pregnant (NOT unreasonable since she has a history of cheating).
Now ... digging back to my exposure to the EARLIEST PUA literature, I remember a quote from that little dude with the bone disease who died recently and yet still slayed pussy from his wheelchair while he was alive. Early in his player journey he was charmed by a hot girl and thought she was "the one" — like we ALL are. Sidebar, before the pandemic I was in a 9-month relationship with a hot 22-year-old who cheated on HER boyfriend to get with me. When it ended, she flat-out told me that if I hadn't broken up with her when I did, she WOULD have cheated on me because I wasn't fucking her often enough. She was with her next man within 2 weeks of the breakup (and now a mom and fat with a pink mohawk and a dozen piercings).
But I digress ... the advice was this — "It's not the woman. It's the PROCESS." I know this girl feels special, but she is NOT. As hard as that may be to accept, you have to keep that at the forefront of your mind. ABUNDANCE. There are always more hot girls out there ... including (shocker) hot girls who AREN'T cheaters.
Finally, I practice what I preach. I have flings and situationships with some hot women who are amazing in bed and really cool people to boot ... and I have to actively guard myself against "catching feelings" when I know the red flags are there. Not that I don't allow myself to FEEL the feelings — feeling stuff is the whole point of being with women. But I don't allow myself to get swept away by one-itis. I say to myself:
"It could end with this girl at any time, so I'm going to be as available as I feel comfortable with, and when it ends, it ends. There will ALWAYS be more hot women. However long it lasts, I will be grateful for this experience, because I could be an incel, and instead this woman is a permanent part of my body count, a permanent data point of my awesomeness."
3
• Apr '23
When you wrote that I thought of this one girl at my current job, tats, piercings and all.
Maybe she's into me or maybe not. She has a decent body and maybe she wants to settle down with me (I'm not stupid).
Knowing game (as in being able to interact with women) is a lifeskill. I'm not talking about going to the club or doing cold approach. It applies to everybody. Some guys are born with it, but if you're anything like me you had to learn it the hard way and it's especially hard if you grew up in a poor household.
0
• Apr '23
the ex who got the pink mohawk and the piercings still follows my IG story, bless her heart
0
View 1 more reply
• Apr '23
It's also important to fuck her good and fuck her often. NEVER underestimate the power of being the good dick in her life. Like I mentioned above, my cheater girlfriend told me she almost cheated on me because she had a high sex drive, and while she loved sex with me, I wasn't doing it often enough. She wanted it every night. A more loyal woman will accept longer spells between sexual encounters, but she still won't wait forever. If you're not sure if you're good in bed, that HAS to be fixed if you don't want to be cheated on.
Many guys can't possibly conceptualize this, but when you're THAT MAN in her life, fucking her will eventually start to feel like work. It's a good problem to have, but it's still work. If you're wise, you will fuck her even when you don't feel like it, just to keep her on the reservation.
Listen to Andrew Tate talk about sex sometime. He's had so much sex that it's practically like drinking water or pissing for him — just exercising a biological impulse. When he was running four cam girls at a time, he mainly fucked them to maintain their loyalty and keep them on the reservation working for him. Sometimes he had to fuck them all in one day and was exhausted and frustrated by the whole process ... but he did it because he didn't want them straying.
3
• Apr '23
Here is how you get over your fear of being "played" :
  1. You date MORE women.
  2. You maintain lots of female friends - yes you definitely maintain friendships with other attractive girls while yall are dating.
3
• Apr '23
absolutely 👌🏾
0
my first question would be why do you care? if her being faithful is that important to you then make the rule that she can't sleep with others and break up with her if she breaks it. you shouldn't ever worry about being cheated on because you should always be swimmin in options and if she were to get cut off from you it would hurt her. socially. those 2 things keep them in line
3
• Apr '23
Or date an ugly woman and hope that other guys won't ask her out.
1
• Apr '23 (edited)
It’s a double edged sword here. If a girl has cheated in the past, there’s a chance she will do it again. There’s usually many reasons why a girl will cheat but that’s for a different post. I have dated girls in the past that cheated on their boyfriends with me but then we had a solid relationship until we broke up(unrelated to cheating). The reason why it worked was because they ran out their previous relationship until the emotional attachment and attraction had disappeared, this takes time.
I would suggest trying to hold back your feelings for this girl until she gets to that point, more than likely…she will keep going back to the ex until he really messes up and even then she will need 1-6 months to heal before a new relationship can form depending on how long the previous relationship was. You can keep hooking up with her but don’t expect anything serious for a while. You’ll either be a rebound relationship with an expiration date or a guy she uses for dates if you’re not careful
3
• Apr '23
Hey. Was this a girl you met at an event or someone you know from before? I hope you don't mind me asking
0
• Apr '23
these were girls I met at clubs or cold approach, before I worked on my social media. I tend to stay away from taken girls now
1
• Mar '23
you want to know how to deal with being cheated on walk away talk to the next girl
2
• Mar '23
She won't cheat if she is scared of losing you. So you have to make her want you, and then you have to help her understand (show, don't tell) you will replace her if she fucks up.
2
• Apr '23
You need more abundance of women and to understand you’re the prize. Seems like she’s your only option. This fear will go away if you had more options.
2
• Apr '23
absolutely 👍🏿
0
• Mar '23
In today's age it is a possibility and making peace with that is step number 1. Second would be getting more obsessed with your life's purpose and building your value and status.
1
• Mar '23
This thread on twitter wentr viral. I suggest checking it out: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1624494734818390020.html
1
• Mar '23
That is fucking solid. Thank you very much for the share!
I would make it a separate post all its own on here!
Definitely saved for reference.
1
• Mar '23
yeah that guy fucks.
1
View 8 more replies
• Mar '23
This would be a good question to ask Michael on the Free MOA Monday call.
0
• Mar '23
I mean if the Girl cheat on you maybe you are not enough high value for the girls or she not a girl for You
0
• Mar '23
If you stole her from someone, she most likely will be stolen from you buddy. You can have fun with her but always remember, she's never yours and it's just your turn. Usually women stay as long as you provide some kind of value to them. The moment she meets someone who provides better value and is interested, she most likely will leave and I'm not saying this is always the case but keep that in mind.
0
User
Your comment
Urban Vidmar
5
Fear of getting cheated on and how to deal with it
Men of Action: Forum
skool.com/men-of-action-free
Forge an elite social circle in any city… so you can make successful friends… and EFFORTLESSLY meet stunning, high-quality women. We are Men of Action
Leaderboard (30-day)
powered by