A Serious Barrier to having the lifestyle I want
I really think that my religion (Christianity) is becoming a bit of a mental roadblock to me achieving the lifestyle I want. I don't want a serious relationship with exclusively 1 woman for now.
My vision for my social life:
1) Become a guy that people go to for a fun time
I plan on achieving this by hosting small container events first, then moving to houseparties when I finally get out of my parents' house for good. (At least in my country, by default you live with your parents until you are 35, unless you get married or earn enough to rent a place, which is very expensive and can only work if you earn at least $7K-$10K SGD per month. I don't have that option now as I am very young in my career. I only earn $1.2K SGD per month now as I work part time.)
2) Become a man who women love
By this, I don't mean sleeping with every girl whom I have a connection with. I mean making female friends whom can calibrate me with their female friends and possibly sleep with a few of them if I feel there could be a genuine connection between the 2 of us.
3) Become a man whom people don't want to fuck over
I'm too much of a pushover at the moment. I'm someone who people say is too easily taken advantage of, and easily influenced. I intend to reverse this by playing the power game with people whom I think could benefit me, or be a threat to me. I have read The 48 Laws of Power and The 33 Strategies of War, which have helped me well so far.
Here's where I feel my plan has flaws: I feel that by having too many female friends, I will alienate those who brought me up. My parents feel I have lost my perspective over how the world works. Every time I want to take action on my goals to becoming better with women, I don't feel right. I don't want to put myself at unnecessary risk where I have too many enemies to deal with just because I achieved a lifestyle that I wanted. I'm not sure how to manage my expectations as I have reservations over my religion and what my parents expect of me. I don't know how to talk to my parents about this. They feel with even my mild autism, that I don't have the skills to know how to deal with people who could screw me over, and those skills can't be easily learnt. I know I have limitations, but I would rather fail my way to success.
My autism is seriously a type where I feel as though I am in no man's land: I have some traits of autism but not all of them.
What am I supposed to do then? I know I can become somebody if I work hard enough. I have no raw talent in anything. I can't be a man who has never accomplished anything significant in his life. At the same time, while my parents feel I have lost perspective, I feel honestly, while they have something to say about me that is true, not all of it is. I think that they are judging me based on who I was as a youngster. I know I have to start listening to myself more and them less, but they feel I have gone mad trying to become someone whom they feel I am not. They think I cannot think like a normal human being because of my autism.
I feel that the boy who my parents raised is becoming a man they cannot recognize, because he has been hiding behind his true self this whole time. And now that self whom he hid for nearly 28 years (I turn 28 in January) is starting to emerge. If any of you are familiar with Carl Jung, I think my shadow is coming out, and my parents are not taking it very well. They feel I have been too influenced by social media, when I feel that is 1 thing about me that is not entirely true. I have always looked for a sense of adventure and ways to play life like a video game since young. I want to be able to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and emerge with my mind a greater ally than I can possibly imagine.
Sorry if this was a bit long. Hope I didn't waste anyone's time.
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Darren Chee
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A Serious Barrier to having the lifestyle I want
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