Forgiveness · LTC Ashram

Dec '23 in Feed

Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS

Last Fridays Q&A (12-1-23) we discussed what the definition was for forgiveness. Afterwards, I decided to do a little research and look up the definition to the word and here is what I found…

Forgive- let go of resentment and anger; pardoning an offender; stop blaming; not punish.

Biblical meaning of forgiveness- to let go

What is the meaning of “I forgive”?

To stop blaming or being angry with someone for something that person has done, or not punish them for something.

What does God say about forgive?

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another.

Why does God say forgive?

Forgiving others allows us to overcome feelings of anger, bitterness, or revenge. Forgiveness can heal spiritual wounds and bring the peace and love that only God can give.

What is the best definition of forgiveness?

Forgiveness involves willfully putting aside feelings of resentment towards someone who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed you in some way. Forgiveness is not merely accepting what happened or ceasing to be angry.

Spiritual meaning of forgiveness-

The Bible teaches that “unselfish love” is the basis for true forgiveness, since “it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Forgiving others means letting go of resentment and giving up any claims to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered.

Forgiveness definition for kids-

Forgiveness is a choice to let go of anger towards someone who hurt you and to think, feel or

act with kindness toward that person. They clarify that forgiveness is not being weak-

it takes strength and courage to forgive.

Forgiveness in simple words-

An intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. The act that someone hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act’s grip on you

What are the 4 R’s of forgiveness?

Responsibility- Accept what has happened and show yourself compassion.

Remorse- Use guilt and remorse as a gateway to positive behavior change. (I do not agree

with this one because I believe God does not want us to live in guilt or shame)

Restoration- Make amends with whomever you’re forgiving, even if it’s yourself.

Renewal- Learn from the experience and grow as a person.

What are the 7 things forgiveness is not?

Forgiveness is not pretending we are not hurt.

Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook.

Forgiveness is not making an excuse for someone.

Forgiveness is not forgetting.

Forgiveness is not necessarily trust or reconciliation.

Forgiveness is not a downgrade.

Forgiveness does not reclassify an offense from a sin to a mistake.

Here is a great short article on forgiveness by Dr. Stephen Marmer of UCLA Medical School, for Prager University… Here he discusses three types of forgiveness...

Anyone familiar with Italian opera or the plays of Shakespeare knows the terrible price paid for grudges, vendetta, and revenge. Under the sway of these emotions painful incidents linger in the mind, sapping our ability to find peace and happiness. The 18th century English poet, Alexander Pope, gave us the antidote: “to err is human, to forgive is divine.” But finding a way to forgive without giving up our principles is no easy task. In this course, I am going to address what forgiveness is and how to implement it.

I’ll be speaking here about forgiveness where it most often is needed - in the context of your every day personal life with family members, friends, co-workers, and business associates.

One of the challenges in understanding this process is that the word - forgiveness - is inadequate to explain a very complex concept. Forgiveness actually embodies three different things, each of which applies to different situations and provides different results.

The three types of forgiveness are: Exoneration, Forbearance and Release.

Let’s take each in turn.

Exoneration is the closest to what we usually think of when we say “forgiveness”. Exoneration is wiping the slate entirely clean and restoring a relationship to the full state of innocence it had before the harmful actions took place. There are three common situations in which exoneration applies.

The first takes place when you realize that the harmful action was a genuine accident for which no fault can be assigned.

The second is when the offender is a child or someone else who, for whatever reason, simply didn’t understand the hurt they were inflicting, and toward whom you have loving feelings.

The third situation occurs when the person who hurt you is truly sorry, takes full responsibility (without excuses) for what they did, asks forgiveness, and gives you confidence that they will not knowingly repeat their bad action in the future.

In all such situations, it is essential to accept their apology and offer them the complete forgiveness of exoneration. You’ll feel better and so will the person who hurt you. In fact, not to offer forgiveness in these circumstances would be harmful to your own well-being. It might even suggest that there is something more wrong with you than with the person who caused you pain.

The second type of forgiveness, I call “forbearance”. And here, things get a little more complicated.

Forbearance applies when the offender makes a partial apology or mingles their expression of sorrow with blame that you somehow caused them to behave badly. An apology is offered but is not what you had hoped for and may not even be fully authentic. While you should always reflect on whether there was a provocation on your part, even when you bear no responsibility you should exercise forbearance if the relationship matters to you. Cease dwelling on the particular offense, do away with grudges and fantasies of revenge, but retain a degree of watchfulness. This is similar to “forgive but not forget” or “trust but verify.” By using forbearance you are able to maintain ties to people who, while far from perfect, are still important to you.

Furthermore, in some cases after a sufficient period of good behavior, forbearance can rise to exoneration and full forgiveness.

But what do you do when the person who hurt you doesn’t even acknowledge that they’ve done anything wrong or gives an obviously sincere apology, making no reparations whatsoever? These are the cases of forgiveness that are most challenging. In my practice, I find this in such examples as adult survivors of child abuse, business people who have been cheated by their partners, or friends or relatives who have betrayed one another. Still, even here there still is a solution. I call it “release” - the third type of forgiveness.

Release does not exonerate the offender. Nor does it require forbearance. It doesn’t even demand that you continue the relationship. But it does ask that instead of continuing to define much of your life in terms of the hurt done, you release your bad feelings and your preoccupation with the negative things that have happened to you. Release does something that is critically important: it allows you to let go of the burden, the “silent tax” that is weighing you down and eating away at your chance for happiness. if you do not release the pain and anger and move past the dwelling on old hurts and betrayals, you will allow the ones that hurt you to live, rent free, in your mind, reliving forever the persecution that the original incident started.

Whether you get there through your own efforts, through psychotherapy, through religion or some other method, release liberates you from the tyranny of living in the traumatic past even when the other forms of forgiveness, exoneration and forbearance, are not possible.

Exoneration, Forbearance, Release.

To forgive may be divine, but when we understand it’s dimensions we find that it IS within our ability to do it.

There are more definitions, excerpts and articles on forgiveness but these stood out the most for me. I hope you enjoy this post on what I found to be effective in my understanding of forgiveness. After all, it is the back bone of what we are here learning in ACIM. I also found that, what it took for me to heal myself, was not only to forgive others but to forgive myself for my ego thoughts of separation, fear, hate, lack and pain. Those thoughts do not define me. And to forgive what I did in the past for I am not my past. I am who I am now.

Love and Light… Heal into your Heart… Forgive and be Free… Know Thyself

7 comments