If you want me (and the community) to comment on your copy, instead of attaching the image to it, create a Google Docs document, write and format it, then set the sharing settings to "Editor" access for "Anyone with the link" and share the link here.
That way, we can comment, edit, and give you a good head start.
PS: Off-topic, but this skool is not solely for design. Feel free to post about email marketing, ask questions, discuss copywriting, reference materials, etc. Let's win. It's already Q2