I hate learning new things about myself

I’m nearly 30, but I’ve learned several things about myself this year. I freaking hate that.

Learning something about yourself should be a positive thing - right? Yes, it’s good to experience a realization, learn, and grow. But it’s often rather embarrassing or painful to go through these experiences, especially when you’ve been practicing certain behaviors for months thinking it was beneficial.

I was working for an insurance firm last year. I looked at the excellent pay structure, understood the product, and believed that I liked everything about the idea of selling this to individuals. They taught that anyone could do this with minimal training from any background. Is that true? Well, kind of. I could do it, but not to the level I wanted to (because being a door-to-door salesman is not something everyone can be proficient at) and I definitely was not doing work I enjoyed. I tried to convince myself that the money outweighed my feelings, but I was lying.

My wife has been telling me that personality types matter, and you can’t just force yourself to do things you don’t mesh well with for long periods of time. This isn’t an excuse not to do the dishes, or to skip the only work you have lined up, but it is a crucial turning point for the scope of your life. I don’t have the salesman attitude!

Here’s a head-scratcher: Would you rather look back on your life with 1) enough money, having done what you were passionate about, or 2) tons of money, having done what you despised? I’ve decided I’d rather have the former!

How did I come to this realization? Hours and hours of reflection. I wasn’t sleeping well, I had pent-up energy that led me to lift weights more aggressively and run more often, and I was mentally exhausted after each day, despite not investing more than 8 hours of work. What was going on? I’ve worked plenty of 12-hour days and had no problem repeating those days for weeks on end. This, however, was brand new to me.

I started looking for help. Where? On the web of course. I’m too masculine to ask a professional. (Maybe I still have more to learn, but I doubt it.) After watching tons of “finding your passion” videos and reading “how to never work a day in your life” blogs, I realized the simplest fact: I have a dozen or so passions, and I’m pursuing exactly 0 of those right now. Man can only hate himself for so long before he implodes. My thoughts were becoming quite self-destructive, and I needed a way out.

Although it wasn’t as intentional as it should have been, I realize now that the time spent in self-reflection led me to where I am now: working on ideas I’m passionate about. Get a notebook out and write down some thoughts. Writing is going to help you visualize where you are and where you should be headed. Yes, I hate it too, but it does work. Here are some tips for making the U-turn faster than I did.

Don’t kick your sanity down the road. Start thinking about your life now and how you can improve it. It doesn’t start overnight, it takes months of sometimes subtle and sometimes abrupt changes to dial in the right combinations.
Listen to your spouse. My wife was giving obvious hints for weeks before I really accepted the facts. Take advice from those around you who can see your potential in other areas, as well as see your lackluster in your present settings.
Notice the signs. My wife and I attended 4 baby classes in preparation for our newborn coming November. I realized that I make jokes when I get really uncomfortable. I’m obviously really funny (just ask my wife) but I noticed it was a catalyst caused by group stretching, sharing birth stories, and other typical things that make men squirm. This was just a month-long course that we agreed was important, but if it was a longer commitment I’d need to make some adjustments!

Here’s a basic list of questions to help you get started:

What are your passions?
Are you spending time on those passions as often as you’d like?
What are the top occurrences in your life that cause friction?
How can you adjust or eliminate those?
Are the people closest to you pushing towards your passions and away from your dispassion?

Sometimes if you make your passions part of your work, it stops being your passion. Take steps to test the waters before you make bridge-burning commitments.

You can go through life without working on some of your passions some of the time, but you can’t go through life never working on any of your passions!

5 comments

Resilient GOAT

skool.com/goat

Join the GOAT: a community for high achievers mastering emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual resilience to become the best version of yourself.

Leaderboard (30-day)