There are times guys. There are times to get to sleep early and there are times when you gotta stay up late. Fortunately sleep timing is more cumulative than it is night by night. So if you stay up late one night just try to catch up the next night. Not really harm done there. Tonight I am staying up late studying brains. I am filming a documentary tomorrow on brain trauma. Guys I know the shit out of brains but that doesn’t mean I don’t get anxiety. What is anxiety? Well we can go into the physiology of that later but basically it’s not being prepared enough. If you are not prepared to the point of rote memory then you can give a lecture half asleep. I just want to make sure I have all my brain studies and facts refreshed from their sources. This is kind of a “I care about what people think of me situation.” Generally speaking that is not true for me. I could give 2 fucks most of the time about what others think of me. Then there’s my business and the professional side of me. That side of me cares because I feed my family with that side. It’s kind of silly when I think about it but it is still there and it is still real for me. I guess there is still some trauma that is unhealed from growing up being told “You’re dumb.” I have to over prepare. I have to make sure that others see that I am not retarded, that I do have intelligence and that what I am saying is important. Things don’t come easy for my brain. I must go over them time and time again. But then they settle and they stick. Like damn super glue inside my noodle. That’s how I became smart. Do it 10 times more than everyone else. Read it 10 times more than everyone else. I wasn’t smart. I just did smart things that others weren’t doing 10 times more than they did. So here I am. Still biting into childhood trauma because it calms my wild heart even after midnight. So my win today is that it’s ok to be me. It’s ok to be exactly where I am. It’s ok to anxious. It’s ok to be nervous. It’s ok to be over prepared. It’s also ok to kick some fucking ass because I was prepared and willing to put in the hours over and over again so I can be the greatest me that there ever was. That is also ok.

I was able to do 5 laps on the KB4C course and help raise money to help others go to survivor camps. This was only a “dream” of mine from the hospital bed 6 months ago. I am having 2 hangover days from all the activity, sun, emotions. However I was able to participate. I am beyond stoked that I’m recovering somewhat quickly. I am still having daily struggles, but I can tolerate them some days to make magic happen. Huge win

Spending all weekend (probably around 12 hours) learning from a Rinpoche Geshe monk (Rinpoche = highest level you can become as a monk and Geshe = the highest level of learning you can go as a monk). He is close friends and works with the Dhali llama. It was epic!

Solo R&R https://youtube.com/shorts/f7bGJa64aIc?si=zmIK_U7iRYOboIUb

I got the group up and running! that was my goal today. Learning the capability of this platform and how to maximize this experience here.