Self improvement convinced me I was socially retarded

No this isnt like those videos talking about "how self improvement ruined my life"

I just want to tell you guys about a recent insight i got the other day.

Ive always thought of myself as somewhat insecure

In elementary school, i was never one of the "top dogs".

I was small, skinny, weak, weird geeky, nerdy gamer. I had friends but they were anything but high quality. Whenever I got a crush on a girl, the conversations and interactions would always go horribly, because I was so nervous.

I could never see myself being a "winner" or a "top dog"

My bad social interactions only further reinforced my belief that I was an socially awkward person.

Fast forward a couple of years and I discover Self Improvement

The videos on good habits, talking to girls, working out, etc.

They further built this identity upon me that I was this lone kid at rock bottom.

Now I'll admit, a lot of the things I mentioned above were true and some still are.

BUT...

Through this time of a bad self image, I completely ignored my positives.

I look back today, and I see all the things that made me somewhat relevant.

I look back at every school year. In every single year I at all times had at least 1 or 2 girls who would constantly laugh at my jokes. I always had some decent friends. I was never TRULY at rock bottom.

This completely goes against the identity I had built upon myself. So when I tried to implement some of the social skills I learned online, everything would just seem off. Because I wasn't being me.

Because objectively I am somewhat of a funny and charismatic guy, and I didn't realise that until recently, despite my years of stacked evidence.

Another problem with the identity I had wrongly put on myself was that I thought I had it for so long.

It hindered me and made it more difficult to change (the things that should change, that I still struggle with)

It made it harder for me to make progress because I convinced myself that I hadn't made any.

Which is absolutely NOT TRUE when I look back now.

I am way more respected and appreciated as one of the strongest guys at my school.

People who know me from before deeply respect me for my change, or i guess "glow up" as they call it.

I am a lot more reflective, and instead of being lost and feeling like im at a "dead end", I feel like things are making more sense.

Moral of the story:

Be critical, of EVERYTHING

Even your own identity

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