I used to suppress my desires until I realised that desires are fuel and nothing to be ashamed of. When you talked about the spiritual ego and wanting to be humble and down to earth, that really resonated with me. For a long time I thought as if being timid was 'better'.
My biggest desire in life right now:
#1 To be a disciplined, deliberate and profitable day-trader.
The 'why' behind my desire:
It represents freedom and self-reliance for me.
An interpretation of my name is 'lord / ruler of emotions' and it is my natural path to become true to my name. An impulsive individual simply cannot be a long term profitable trader.
To connect with other aspiring day traders and help them achieve their goals.
How would it feel to have this right now? If I close my eyes and imagine to have accomplished that goal right now, the feelings are:
Relief, coming back home, like reaching a summit.
I want to move to a different country / city with my family. I know exactly where we'd be living, what would be our lifestyle, what I'd do in the mornings, which parks I will go to. I can visualise all of these things very clearly. I can feel this tingling energy in every part of my body.
At the same time, , in the background, I know that it is also not true. Trading is brutal, it is black and white. Your account is either red or green. There are no shades of grey. So, it feels very counterintuitive to just focus on the feeling of what it would be like, when the cold harsh reality is right in front of me. Part of me acknowledges all the concepts of law of attraction, vibration, manifestation - how time/space are just a concept in the 3-dimensional world et al. But there is this nagging voice that tells me it is not true and I cannot logically dismiss that.
Am I doubting my ability to become successful?
How do I reconcile this?