Yesterday my temptations got the best of me I went like went like 2 weeks with seeing an escort. I’ve hitting the gym everyday, reading, getting closer to god but now I’m back at square one. All I can say is that I shouldn’t let this ruin me and all I can do is collect data and keep on going

So today I had to reset my counter from 35 days of being clean (massages). It was quite painful to reset the counter which transformed to aggression. I got very angry at myself of how could I be so weak at times. Even after reading +20 books on psychology and human nature this still happens and sometimes some feeling of helplessness kicks in. Then again I get angry at myself again :D for talking like a weak cunt and get myself back on my feet. There is one good thing about it, I get to change a lot of things in my life for the better because of the pain and anger. This pain really pushes you to extreme motivation and discipline which unfortunately does not last very long. So my goal is to use that as fuel to build discipline and build new habits like meditation, exercise, reprogram wrong core-beliefs etc. Yeah.. fucking hell, I want to burn this part of me to the ground