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KeepItReal Self-Discovery

Public • 61 • Free

2 contributions to KeepItReal Self-Discovery
Reclaiming my authenticity
Hello, my name is Steven. I’m 27 soon to be 28 in a few weeks. I am from CT. I’m thankful to have came across will’s youtube channel a few months back i feel like things aligned in perfect timing because i was drowning in YouTube videos looking for a solution to what i am going through. I had lost hope for a while feeling distraught but then I came across will’s youtube channel and now the KeepItReal community and I feel hopeful again I feel like will was speaking directly to me and i am glad I found him. A vulnerable fact about me is that I have struggled with self identity since I was really young, I’ve had to learn how to abandon myself to fit into the mold my family of origin had already pre-made for me. I was never accepted for who I am and feel like my mother only had me to cater to her needs and fill the voids missing inside of her and live out her views and ideologies. if I dared to say enough of me playing this character and tried to stand up for who I am and my beliefs I’d be immediately shut down and made to believe like I’m wrong for trying to be myself outside of the image and role she had already set for me to play. I left her side when I was 15 to move in with my aunt hoping I can find myself I knew if I didn’t I’d be living a painful existence because I had to live under what somebody else expected of me. It took me over 10 years and little to no contact to finally feel grounded in myself and like I had regained a lot of lost aspects of me. 3 years ago my aunt convinced me to have her move in with me I doubted that decision because I know all she ever wanted was to feel a sense of control over me but I thought things would be different this time around since I’m an adult now but she was able to brake through all of my boundaries and my trauma of being that kid with no autonomy or sense of self kicked in. It’s been 2 years that I lost my job and have been stuck in the same house all of my traumas, fears and everything I didn’t want to happen came crashing down on me. I lost my sense of self and identity and feel like I’m stuck in a time period of my life when I was under her control and manipulations it’s been the most pain I’ve ever felt these last 2 years I’m about to be 28 soon and feel like she destroyed all my said of independence and adulthood I lost my job in March of 2023 and have been applying so that I can save enough to get my own place. It’s unbearable to live with someone that sees the pain they’re causing you but still think you’re wrong for feeling how you feel. This is a very vulnerable and long message I’ve been carrying this heaviness my entire life and I’m here because I’m hopeful I can break free from all of this once and for all. I’m tired and most days I feel like what’s even the point to keep going when I’m not living for me and who I see myself as. But I also know we’re not in this alone and I know there’s a lot of people that can relate to me I have hope that I can also help someone that’s going through a similar situation through my vulnerability. This is a KeepItReal community so I kept it real in hopes others feel safe enough to keep it real with themselves and to know that your story matters and can help someone going through the same things as you.
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New comment 7d ago
2 likes • 7d
You can do this. You’ve made it this far with everything you’ve been through. 100% you are independent and very strong, you’ve shown that many times. You’re still young and have a whole life ahead of you. You may not feel like it right now, but that’s her voice talking not yours. Getting away from her is definitely the first thing I would suggest, if you can’t psychically then mentally you need to create boundaries to distance yourself. Start looking at yourself in the mirror everyday and say amazing positive things about yourself to starting counteracting her conditioning. Even if you don’t believe what you’re saying, it doesn’t matter, keep saying it. It’s the same technique and you can slowly but surely convince your brain you are the things you say. No one can tell you you’re not, because your inner voice will be too strong that even hers can’t affect your self assuredness. I don’t know the details about how severe her abuse was but have you ever been to therapy for this before? The amount of conditioning she has used to control you is extensive and I think it would be great if you did see a therapist :)
1 like • 7d
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, especially alone. It sounds like a really difficult and complex situation. That experience is exactly what I hate and disagree with about the mental health care system. There is an agenda for some healthcare professionals to use medication as first line treatment and not push for talk therapy. Medication should be the last resort in my opinion, apart from disorders where there are extreme factors like psychosis involved. Or it can be used in small doses alongside therapy if therapy isn’t sufficient, but it should never be the focus in my opinion. If I were you I would definitely see a ‘Psychotherapist’ specifically and maybe one that is qualified in hypnotherapy because I think that would be really beneficial for you. Hypnotherapy is not as scary or as weird as it sounds. It’s basically like a guided meditation they do with you but regarding your trauma and things you need to release or shift. I would suggest looking for a psychotherapist asap, when/if you are able to afford it. Your family sounds like they have had underlying mental health issues going on for generations and have never healed from what they went through, so unfortunately you have been forced to take on their pain and hurt, being made to believe it’s your own. But you can break the generational trauma and you can be the one to stop this abusive, destructive behaviour from continuing. I believe you can do this, what kind of therapist do you think you’d feel most comfortable talking to? The main abuser in your life is a woman older than you. So that’s something to take into account, would you prefer a female or a male therapist ? Who do you see yourself more likely to open up with ? That’s the first thing. Then you need to search for therapists and make sure to read their qualifications, what type of issues they deal with, and what type of therapies they use in their practice. You’ll find that your more drawn to certain people because of what issues they tend to work with. From there it’s all about the personal connection. With some therapists, you meet them and there is no connection, no feeling of comfort or safety can be created without establishing the connection. With another therapist you’ll find it happens naturally and you are able to tell them everything and that is the person you should continue to see. There are 100% many therapists trained in dealing with situations like yours who will be able to support you and help build back your identity again. Do not give up on your healing because you can’t give up on yourself. You can do anything you want, you just have to believe it and convince yourself of it.
Hey guysss😇
Hey, my names Olivia, I’m 23 and I’m from London! I want to learn as much as I can from the likeminded individuals in this community. My aim is to grow together as a collective so we can help to make a positive impact in our own lives and other peoples lives as a result😌. A vulnerable fact about me is that I have a pattern where I can fall into periods of isolation, I don’t want to socialise or speak to anyone. This can then become a cycle of avoidance where I’m attempting to distract myself from the fact i’m not contacting any friends, family, going out to do things, etc. This happens until one day I break down and realise I can’t continue to do this so then things go back to normal. I’ve been in therapy for 4-5 years now so I know some of the unconscious influences why this happens (especially during the winter time). I’ve worked on it and it has definitely improved (the periods have become shorter) but it’s something I still struggle with at least once a year. Something I love and would like to think I have a pretty decent knowledge of, is psychology. That’s what I have always been fascinated by since I was a child, hence why I chose to study it at University, got my masters in Clinical Mental Health and continue to train in the field. I want to be a psychotherapist, but because I also love spirituality and believe it’s a necessary part of an individuals healing and growth process, I want to train to be able to integrate techniques like meditation, mindfulness exercises, grounding, inner child work, to help people find their unique purpose as a human on this planet and to become more self aware of themselves. For me I see psychology and spirituality as being two sides of the same coin. They complement each other and should be used together, providing a more holistic approach to healing. That is the soul of psychology, that I believe is missing in mainstream health care today (and life in general for most people). So I feel like my purpose is to be one of the individuals who pushes this holistic approach forward and delivers that to others during my life.
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Olivia Marly
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@olivia-marly-4785
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Active 4d ago
Joined Nov 18, 2024
INFJ
London
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