I am back from my time off
I am back from my time off and do not feel I need an additional week. I have experienced many emotions and feelings in the past 10 days. Moments of breakdown followed by magical breakthroughs. It was intense and beautiful. I have spent a week living in a guest house where you share your meal with the other guests every night and do yoga with the others in the morning. I learned a lot about myself and received insights and information about what is next for me. I never really took any time off work in the past 2 years and I gave very little space to relationships and to enjoying life. Even when I took some time off, my mind was almost always occupied with "work". Maybe, for the first time in my life, I gave myself space to let some love in for an extended period of time. I had to learn how to do it, and the moments I managed to, they were amazing. I spent time playing with kids, having casual conversations, and exploring Okinawa with friends I had just met, and it was amazing. Before I left for this trip a friend told me: "You can look at the ocean, or you can LOOK at the ocean". And that was my mantra for the past 10 days. We can drift through life, or we can experience it. I feel I drifted through life for 30+ years and I am now learning how to experience it. And it's fucking amazing. Even if I am still learning, life feels completely different now, as I can perceive and feel things in a new light. I also felt that I had so much resistance toward my business as I feel I have faked my way through where I am right now and it has become extremely heavy to run it. What I have now is not aligned with who I am, and maybe never was. I honestly have no idea what my career will look like even if I will still run this business in the foreseeable future. I am leaving myself open to receive more information about my career, but I am pretty certain things will change a lot anyway. I will share more about it as I receive information.