20d ago in General discussion
These Are My Renegade Roots
This is me in 1996. Just a young girl at the precipice of a journey she couldn’t yet see. I was gifted this 1979 CJ-7 Jeep Renegade on my 16th birthday from my grandfather—a man whose wisdom continues to speak, long after his passing, to the woman she’s become today.
She loved worn corduroys, thrift store finds and skipping study hall to play with clay. A hard worker with deep emotions and an old soul.
She didn’t realize it at the time, but she was at a crossroads… searching for purpose.
To that innocent 16-year-old, who sat at the front of her algebra class and found solace at the pottery wheel:
You won’t know where you’re headed for a long time. You’ll chase the paths others have tread before you, believing that the road they walked is the one you’re meant to follow. You’ll go to the alma mater of your grandparents, study business instead of art, convincing yourself it’s a bridge between your dreams and reality.
But those dreams will shift and shatter, reforming in ways you can’t yet understand.
You will love fiercely in your youth, trying desperately to rewrite a past heartbreak that lingers like a shadow. You’ll move too fast and, at times, get lost in a haze of substances meant to numb the ache within. You won’t realize it then, but you’re filling a void that only faith and purpose can heal.
And yet, you will succeed. You’ll climb corporate ladders, securing a seat in high-stakes boardrooms and trading floors. You’ll manage millions, traveling coast to coast, living a life that seems glamorous on the outside. But inside, it will feel hollow—a loft filled with fine whiskey and loneliness. The walls may stand tall, but they won’t keep out the emptiness that gnaws at your spirit.
Eventually, the house of cards will fall. You’ll be handed a box and a severance package on the same day you find out you’re carrying new life within you. And in that unraveling, you’ll discover what it means to sacrifice. This will be your awakening—a chance to turn toward the Lord you had long forgotten but who never let go of you.
You will learn what true love is when it costs you everything. You’ll build a home with your own hands, welcoming four children into the world in the warmth of your living room, surrounded by the love of your family. Each birth will refine you, each child will stretch your soul in ways you never thought possible. They will be your teachers, guiding you back to faith, reminding you of the moral compass written on your heart.
You will face battles you never anticipated, addiction seeping into your life like a silent thief. You’ll wrestle with anger, with heartbreak, with the kind of despair that drowns you in the shower where your tears are safely hidden. But you will stay. You will stay because this is the crucible in which you are being forged.
This messy middle will teach you the kind of love that sees beyond the brokenness—love that is unconditional, grace that is undeserved. You’ll rise, slowly but surely, and you’ll build something that cannot be shaken. The vision will be simple yet profound: to create something timeless, something that will stand long after you’re gone, just as your grandfather did.
It won’t be easy. But you are more than capable. The winding roads you’ve walked, the mistakes, the triumphs, the scars—they are all part of the tapestry being woven with divine intention. In time, you’ll see how the threads connect.
You will understand that none of it was wasted.
From where I sit now, the view is clear. The pieces of your life—the joy, the pain, the relentless pursuit of something greater—are coming together to form a legacy. Your journey will inspire others to take up their own callings, to build something beautiful in a world filled with chaos.
You are a humble learner, capable of bending time with the sheer force of your will and focus. You will harness what is already at your fingertips to craft a story worth sharing. Because there are voices that have been silenced, stories that need to be told. You will be the catalyst that brings those stories to light, cutting through the lies that seek to drown them.
You will help others quietly, purposefully, to build their own legacies. You will guide them to lead with grace, humility, and unwavering vision, just as you were guided by the One who knew your path long before you took your first step.
Because this is not about you.
It’s about something far greater.
It is His will, not yours… and He is for you.
Faithfully,
Amanda Marie
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These Are My Renegade Roots
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