Nov '23 in Reflections
Porn gives you anxiety around other men
Today I was inside of Adonis Gang looking for members that lived close to me, and interestingly enough I saw that there was a guy who lived extremely close to me.
Not only that, but he actually goes to my girlfriend's school.
And not only that, but he's in her class. She sees him all the time. Every. Other. Day.
First of all, holy shit that really puts into perspective how many men are influenced by Hamza's words.
But at the same time, I started talking to him and he told me, "I really wish I had a girlfriend, I'm so jealous of you" and straight away I immediately got waves of anxiety and I started questioning my thoughts
"Why am I anxious about him stealing her from me?"
"He's a respectful man on self improvement, he wouldn't harm his brothers in his tribe like that right?"
"Woah what the fuck? Why did these thoughts immediately violate me? He's a friend, not a foe."
But then I thought back to all the times those horrible thoughts of my own girl sleeping with other men would pop up in my head.
The cuckhold videos developed by porn freaks.
These types of videos play into your sense of inadequacy. The take advantage of your insecurities and hyper-trigger you with it.
This is why you see all of those husbands who pay big jacked black men thousands of dollars to violently fuck their wife on camera.
It's not even sexy. It's just vile. It's disgusting and scary. It's abusive. And yet people jack off to it every day. And that was me.
The thoughts of my girlfriend being taken away by some tall jacked tatted guy would flood my brain over and over. It was worsened every time I'd watch porn or see those disgusting "she's busy bro" videos on tiktok that scared the shit out of me (thank god I don't have tiktok anymore).
And you have to realize you're not above this. Every time you watch porn you are literally putting yourself at risk of becoming a cuck. Don't think you're not, because if you don't stop it could happen to you.
I did a visualization practice where I saw myself 5 years from now. I've done plenty of positive visualizations where I have a hard cock 24/7 and 50 stripe notifications but it was time for a darker one. What's the reality of 23 year old Charles if he never changed? Well first of all, he'd be just as broke as I am. He'd be working at Target 60 hours a week still. His girlfriend would have left him already as his porn addiction got worse. The man he met inside of Adonis Gang would have lost respect for him years ago and cut him off. He would've found a new girl who is into a more "open relationship" style. But they don't even kiss anymore. Now he's be paying jacked brokies hundreds of bucks to abuse her on camera.
What will happen in 5 years if you don't quit?
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Porn gives you anxiety around other men
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