Vulnerable Post, thanks for the safe space 🙏☯️❤️

Wrote this yesterday yet was hesitant to post…

This may be a bit long and I usually would never share anything like this about my life especially on social media as I don’t want to vent; yet since I’ve chosen to go by Authentic Man Stan, I’ll be real with you beautiful beings on here as I’ve been trying to be active and positive amidst some emotionally turbulent times in my life…

My day started off really positive as I woke up at 5am here in Hawaii, awaiting the 7am live here - doing my homework and waiting for all you energetic beings to make me feel Alive as I was excited/inspired to create content all morning.

Then my dad woke up. He got extremely hostile towards my mom about almost running out of water as we live off grid in the jungle and he is using food stamps. So I suggested I’ll pitch in and buy some water to just please him with the little money I have as I haven’t worked for the past few months due to surgery which is why I’m staying here... An argument broke out then my dad got mad again over another little thing and started cussing saying why not spend more money on me and a plane ticket for me to go back to LA and back for my Dr, blah blah blah - then he was silent guilt tripping my mom and I the entire day. Finally, he cooled off.

At first I felt like a burden not having money as my dad used to tell me I was worthless piece of sh*t and other hurtful things especially after dropping out of UCLA and on leave from work in Beverly Hills as I’m relying on my parents at 30 years old, yet I know I’m better than how his attitude used to make me feel…

I’m just reminding myself that my dad is not in the right space mentally and just not to engage with him with my own wants and needs at this time/trying to please him. My parents are constantly complaining about one another when I’m with just one of them, it’s just emotionally exhausting at times…

I thought I did a lot of work to help myself heal from childhood issues/trauma, although I’ve begun to deal with it better and in different ways than I used to.

So I’ve understood how to deal with parents who may seem emotionally abusive when it feels you can’t escape…

Here is an idea on how to be Resilient and find your Flow state again when you may be feeling down or others belittle you:

Write it out and feel into your feelings, don’t be scared to actually Feel instead of trying to cope/escape: Today I wrote some poetry which started out a bit negative yet I found a positive message when flowing onto the page. Poetry usually guides me to a higher place where I am able to put myself in another realm and come to terms with how I’m feeling at the time as it’s a cathartic tool to organize my thoughts on the paper through metaphors…. It allowed me earlier today to come to terms that what I felt earlier was a temporary feeling and these circumstances won’t last
Then listen to your favorite music: Today I started listening to some heavy metal and even realized there was a new song out from one of my favorite bands which made me excited/somewhat motivated to put my energy elsewhere instead of giving into my dads silent treatment
Then do some form of exercise/active meditation and be grateful to get your mind off whatever it is your going through: Today I went on a walk with my dog in the jungle and thought of how grateful I am to at least have have a family and parents who are still alive and willing to take care of me and allow me to stay with them. Getting my mind off the negativity my dad may let out at times, going on a walk in nature allowed me to contemplate my future once I’m done with this healing journey - I know it will get better as it could always be worse. As I walked I told myself I was grateful to even be alive and healing, knowing my best healthy self awaits me and shifted my mindset from scarcity to abundance, excited for what the future Me has in store.

Whoever reached this point in the post, hope you could relate and benefit in some way with whatever your going through, as it will pass. And to not attach your self worth or self esteem to someone else’s perception of you - that’s just a projection of their own self doubt. Just wrote it out, jam out and shift your energy into something positive! Thanks for allowing me this space people 🙏

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