How do I find my real purpose in life?

This is a great question. I started questioning myself that when I was 16, and I still do not have an answer for that - I'm 63 now.

For this post, I will go over an explanation of why I think the question "How do I find purpose in my life?" is an unhelpful question and then I will give you some practical tips that has helped me overcome the feeling of meaninglessness.

From what I have experienced and from what I have tried, I've come to the conclusion that you cannot "find" a purpose. You "create" it.

When I first heard that, it didn't really make sense to me so I'll try to do my best and explain.

As I was trying to 'find' my purpose, I adopted an idea that if I was able to articulate this purpose then I would finally be motivated to accomplish goals in my life and become a driven individual. If I found this purpose, then I would be more valuable as a human being. If I found this purpose, I would find joy in life. If I found this purpose, I would finally have a reason other than "going to school" for getting up in the morning. If I found this purpose. life would make sense. It would be my magic pill - just take one dose and everything will be okay.

And sometimes, I still wish that this magic pill existed and I wish I could find it by just answering some questions or doing some exercise. If it exists, I would go to great lengths to find it.

One idea that helped me came from Freud's Civilization and Its Discontents. He questioned why we do not ask about the purpose of dogs, yet we ask about the purpose of humans. Dogs are just alive, and they live. Humans are the same. We are alive, and we live.

What does this mean? It means you don't have to be chained to this idea that there's a predetermined purpose for you and that you have to go out and find it. It means that you are free to createmeaning, you are free to create your purpose! You are free to create anything, how exciting is that?!

So now we've changed the question from "how do I find my purpose?" to "how can I create my purpose?".

Then when I came to this realization, I asked myself again: "Why do I even want a purpose in the first place?"

I realized that the reason I wanted to have a purpose was so that I could have a more enjoyable, fulfilled life. I wanted a life where I would look forward to the days ahead, where I would have built genuine and deep connections with other people, where I could feel like I am doing something important and worthwhile.

So the question "How can I create my purpose?" is again changed to "How can I create a life that I love?"

It is still a difficult question, but it is much simpler and much more manageable. From this question, you can create some practical changes to your life instead of just wandering and hoping a purpose will fall on your lap. You will be in control. Remember that, you are in control. It's great.

In Csikszentmihalyi's Flow he states:

"... there is a mutual relationship between goals and the effort they require. Goals justify the effort they demand at the outset, but later it is the effort that justifies the goal.

What he means is that, when you first have a compelling goal start working towards it. You'll see that you lose interest in the goal over time if you do not put any effort towards it. But if you put consistent effort towards attaining that goal, the effort will make the initial goal seem more compelling. The relationship between your goal and effort is what creates purpose.

In Matthew Lieberman's Social, he talks about how we are wired as a species to be social and that our fulfillment with life is dependent on being social. So it would help if your goal had a component which helped contribute to the well-being of others.

There's much more to this, but start exploring and understanding the human as a species and you will understand yourself as well.

Remember that this is a journey. It will not be the achievement of the goal that will help you, it will be the process of getting there.

Here's one practical tip that has helped me and I hope it will help you.

Read one biography of someone you admire. It's amazing how learning about someone else's life can enlighten your own path. When I did this, I saw how the principles talked about in Flow and Social come into play (The biography I read was about Steve Jobs).

Focus on that one thing, and see how it goes. =)

Whether my advice seems appealing to you or not, message me and say hi. I'd love to hear how your journey progresses!

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