Jul 25 in Q&A
Ungodly Soul Ties and Personal Healing in Marriage
Soul ties, those deep emotional and spiritual connections we form, can be powerful and beautiful when rooted in God's plan. However, ungodly soul ties—those formed outside of His will—can be detrimental, dragging us down paths we never intended to tread. To deal with these before they form, stay vigilant and intentional in your relationships. Commit to prayer, discernment, and setting boundaries that honor God and protect your marriage.
As a married couple, God cherishes your union and the prayers of a devoted wife. When you and your husband share a drink, what happens? Do you find yourselves opening up, bonding, and deepening your connection? Sometimes, these moments of vulnerability can create space for personal and marital healing. We all have coping mechanisms to navigate life's challenges, and recognizing when these behaviors no longer serve us is crucial. You have the permission to change and grow into a new version of yourself. Moderation is key, but so is awareness.
Coming from programs that introduced me to healing and sobriety, I've learned to walk with God, the author and finisher of my faith. I've had to forgive myself for allowing old habits to pull me into uncontrolled behaviors. At the end of the day, no one is coming to save you; it's up to you to take control of your life using your God-given authority. Remember, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay the same. Many people struggle not because they are addicted to a substance, but because they are trying to cope with familiar hard situations.
Responding to the Query
Alright, Warrior! Let's tackle this question head-on.
Question: I've been really struggling with giving up completely alcohol and nicotine for the last almost 3 years. I will stop for a little while and then start back up. My husband drinks every day, most days excessively. One day after work I grabbed a frozen peach wine drink to try and went home. My husband came home maybe an hour later to show me a jar of peaches in moonshine that he had just bought around the same time I was grabbing that peach drink. I distinctly hear in my head, 'and the two will become one flesh'. Now, I'm not trying to blame anyone else for my failure to control my flesh, but is it possible I keep going back and forth with it because we are one flesh?
Response:
You've brought a powerful question to the table. The bond you share with your husband is profound, and yes, the spiritual and emotional unity of marriage means you often influence each other deeply. The phrase 'and the two will become one flesh' signifies more than physical union—it embodies emotional, spiritual, and habitual connections.
Your struggle isn’t with substances alone; it’s with the environment and the shared lifestyle that reinforce these habits. When one partner engages in certain behaviors, it can become a shared pattern, making it harder to break free individually.
Here’s the truth bomb: While you can't control your husband's actions, you have the power to govern your own. This journey starts with setting firm boundaries and seeking God's strength in moments of temptation. Here’s your battle plan:
- Prayer and Spiritual Warfare: Begin each day with prayer, asking God to strengthen you and protect your mind and spirit from falling back into old habits. Use Ephesians 6:10-18 to arm yourself with the Armor of God.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Communicate with your husband about your struggle and the need for change. It’s essential to express your commitment to sobriety and seek his support, even if it means changing certain routines or environments.
- Get Support: This is a support/accountability group where you can share your struggles and victories. Being around like-minded individuals who are committed to growth and transformation can provide the encouragement you need.
- Create New Rituals: Replace the old drinking habits with new, healthy rituals. Whether it’s an evening walk, a hobby, or quality time with a good book, find activities that bring joy and peace without the need for substances.
- Self-Forgiveness and Resilience: Accept that setbacks may happen. Forgive yourself and bounce back with even greater resolve. Remember, resilience is built through overcoming challenges, not avoiding them.
- Professional Help: Don’t shy away from seeking professional counseling. A counselor who understands the dynamics of marriage and addiction can offer valuable strategies and support.
Your journey to breaking free from these habits is also a path to deeper intimacy and healing in your marriage. Lead by example, and let your transformation inspire your husband. You’re stronger than you think, and with God’s help, you can overcome this.
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Ungodly Soul Ties and Personal Healing in Marriage
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