MAY PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING BE WITH YOU

Randy Hyden

Sep 29 in General discussion

My life today is a gift. And I would like to share with you below some wisdom that was gifted to me.

These words are true for me.

They may be true for you, but only you can determine that.

I hope you receive these words with the spirit that they were given to me.

With love.

Alright. Here she is....

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic.

And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.

From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.

From the friendships and family who always took more than they ever gave.

From all the situations when someone told you, “We’re in this together” or “I got you,” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From all the lies and all the betrayals. The abandonment.

You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

Extreme independence is a trust issue.

You learned: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me or when they drop the ball... because they will always drop it eventually, right?

You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.

Extreme independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

So, you don’t trust anyone.

And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.

To trust is to hope; to trust is to be vulnerable.

“Never again,” you vow.

But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth, it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.

Impenetrable.

Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in.

But no love gets in either.

Fortresses and armor are for those in battle or who believe the war is coming.

It’s a trauma response.

This changes when you come to believe that your trauma can be healed. That for you, a new freedom is possible.

You are worthy of having support.

You are worthy of having a true partnership.

You are worthy of love.

You are worthy of being appreciated.

You are worthy of being cherished.

You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually, deliver on that promise.