Hey guys, firstly I would like to say I hope everyone is doing great and having a wonderful start to the new year. I have been busy and I want to make this year one of the best years of my life. So you saw the title of this post, so let me explain.. Some of you probably have heard of me and my struggles if you are a part of the body language mastery program. Long story short, I grew up with an abusive dad, a person that sometimes I think is not human. Manages to make my life a misery or put me off my stride when I start to gather momentum. Growing up in that house I was never allowed to have a voice or a personality. He never talked to me much, but when he wasn't happy he would say all kinds of nasty things like your useless, your lazy you should be ashamed of yourself. A part of me thinks that he thinks I am him. Like I can't be a different person. I have been out of his house for a while now which has brought about it's own challenges but it is better to be away from him. But I have seen that I have picked up some unhelpful behaviors from being around him. I grew up quite shy and have a bit of anxiety when around men of his age or in general around people probably because he was quick to lose his shit if I made a little bit of noise or didn't close the door. He is quite an intimidating man to be around and so everyone around him are always walking on eggshells. I have noticed I need to start to stand up for myself more and express myself. If I did that with him, damn he would smash my water bottle or throw something at me. Looking back I think there is something not quite right with him. I feel I have a lot of self doubt and confidence issues. I don't go after things. My mind always thinks the worst case scenario. My mind is my own worse enemy. I feel I am negative at times, maybe from growing up in a negative house. I swear everyone that interacts with him becomes more negative and depressed. Some days I feel a lot of depression, or Why should I even try. Or sadness and misery. I don't like this. People don't want to be around me. I don't feel in the best of moods. Though I would describe myself as being a generally positive person who tries to see the good in everything, though my mind likes to see the negative. Sometimes my mind drifts back to the times I was around him and I think "what a crazy guy". Or "I wish this had not happened to me my life could have been so much better. I think I have a generally feeling of "I'm not good enough" "I don't deserve this." "Others are better than me." I don't want to attract people like my dad into my life ever again.

Hey Guys! It's Jack here. I am in the FB group and thought I would join here too! I had an experience yesterday well and today and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'll explain: I grew up with a dad that was quite abusive I would say looking back. Never would say anything positive. Actively tried and tries to bring me down. "your useless" "not good enough" "lazy" etc. He wants me to be exactly like him. Intimidating person who has an explosive temper. Felt like I was always walking on eyeshells around him. I was "not allowed" to express myself in his house. It was like talking and conversation was just not a thing. I grew up shy and without a voice. I felt and still feel I can't "have a personality" around him or I can't "just be me" it's like he wants me to "just be like him" and if I try to be me or something else he tries to pull me back in, put me down, make my life miserable. I have been out of the house for 8 months now, I have been slowly changing but it is slow and I know I can never go back. But I have noticed something. Ever since I was living in his house, I felt always under threat , my traps are tight, I feel on edge, I can't relax and I feel I might be attacked (at least my brain does.) So In everyday life I felt on edge and I feel like I must "be tough" and "not show any weakness" because someone could come after me. I'm not like this. I would say I am a gentle person when I want to be and from this experience with him I feel anxiety around new people or men in general. Also a work colleague , well lets just say I don't really like the guy. He said something last night that triggered something within me like a trauma. "he said something which included the word "crazy". Today I woke up feeling "off" and not myself, I felt "weak" and "fragile". When I think of crazy, I think of my dad. And how I never want to be like him. I don't know what this sensation is that I am feeling, maybe someone could help? Jack

HI my name is Jack. I am 25 years old from Ireland, now living in Spain. I am here as I wish to clear trauma for good after I grew up in an environment where people try to sabotage me, mental abuse others and wear away at you. I currently work in a restaurant, help others with English online and I am studying digital marketing. My goals are to clear trauma and live a life with good mental health. To travel to Latin America and probably live. Learn Spanish to a high level. To get a great job that allows me to live a lifestyle I want. To live a life I am proud of and make up for all the time I feel I have lost. My difficulties: Being anxious around others and afraid to express myself. Feeling on edge and finding it hard to relax. Not trusting in myself and second guessing myself (my family have tried to use tactics for me to second guess myself, To try and make me think things are different than reality. I think gaslighting is what it's called.) Feeling unlovable and undeserving of love and feeling like I also need to prove myself. Looking forward to speaking with you all! Cheers